" I said 'Baby, Its 3 am I must be....watching Murderball'"

Lately I have been having these awful bouts of insomia, triggered by God knows what, and lasting usually until about 4:30 am when I finally give up and reach for the bubble pack of benedryl. I think I have just had a lot on my mind lately. The odd thing is, I am fine all day until I lay down, and I find that I can't quite wind down or just start thinking about all the ducks that I am trying to keep in a row right now. Anyway, last night amid the sea of infomercials and marathons of Celebrity Fit Club and Date My Mom (both episodes I had seen already, which is sad in itself), I found Murderball, the movie about the US quadriplegic rugby team. I was excited, but halfway through it had a "things that make ya go hmmmm...." kinda moment.

These guys were saying that they have no problem meeting girls because they ladies they meet are intrigued by their disability and have that mothering kind of instinct that makes them want to pursue a relationship with them. I am wondering where the hell the guys like that are! I have had quite a few guys have initial interest (mostly what I call the novelty factor) but that has just worn off as the reality of the situation has set in. I also tend to think a lil' bit of a freak flag gets raised when a guy thinks a girl in a wheelchair is hot...its like I assume they are creepy or have a weird fetish. What I am trying to say is: my mentality is FUCKED UP! These thoughts didn't particularly help me go to sleep.

Then I started thinking about Lent. It starts today and frankly, its the one good thing I do as a Catholic, so I take it kind of seriously. I think all religions and spiritualities should give something up that they love for a month. It is a great practice in restraint. This year I am giving up the food court. I eat in it everyday and spend way too much money that I don't have. Here are the things I have given up in the past:

1. Red Meat- this really wasn't that hard but living with my parents, that will be a little harder!
2. Caffeine- this just led to a mental breakdown and many headaches on my behalf. I think I am reliant on the stuff to be a kind person....especially when I was getting up for classes.
3. Cussing- this was maybe the hardest one and I always sounded like an epsiode of Sex And The City that was edited for TBS. I had to catch myself, and on many occasions, "Shit-ake" came out of my mouth!

I guess I should give up relying on over the counter allergy medication to go to sleep....but then, what would I blog about??