Black. White.

I am all about some documentarys. I think its because I am so nosey and voyeuristic (I am the youngest child, after all). Anyway, I was really excited because last night I got to watch Black. White. on FX. It is produced by Ice Cube and it has two families (one black, one white) of equal status and income level switch places and races and be thrust into many situations to see how different it is to be in the others shoes.

I think this is a valid experiment. I am insanely interested in race relations and sociological differences. Before I went to college, I used to kind of think that people made too much fuss about the black people and white people being so different. Maybe its because my best friend as a child was black and she was way wealthier than my family could ever dream of being. I have since learned that it is ignorant to ignore the differences between black and white people. I mean lets face it, some situations are just gonna be different. I think it is necessary to just respect these diffferences.

I kinda wish that there could have been a documentary about my freshman and sophomore year in college where I was the lone white girl in an apartment of three strong black females. Coming from a graduationg class of 450 that had only 11 black people in it. It was an awakening. I almost miss knowing all the rap songs way before they came on the radio (after all...I taught all my friends what "air force ones" were and the "remix to ignition" was old school to me by the time it started coming on The Party!) and reading Essence and Black Hair Magazine on the toilet.

I would like to think that I taught them something too. Maybe even if it was just that white people couldn't so easily be pigeon-holed (for example, I can throw down on some collards and black-eyed-peas and have been since I was since I was born!)

Thats why I never understand when I am watching the Real World, and there is always that one bitchy individual that is like "I am sooooo isolated!!!!!!!!!!!! waaa wahhh!!! bitch, bitch, bitch"....etc. Just deal with it. Have fun. Go to a Step Show for the historically black fraternities and sororities! Its kinda fun...after you get used to the fact that you may be one of the only white people there.

Sorry...I really don't think any of that was all that coherant. But, I promise...it made sense to me! I guess the lesson is, befriend a black person, you'll be glad you did!

I LOVE DORKS.

The above is true. I have a shirt that says it. I wear it and am not ashamed (even though I am pretty sure I am the only girl that wears that shirt that does not also wear a training bra and a retainer.)

I realized this was really the case when I went to go see Failure To Launch last night with my gay date, John. There is a scene in the movie where Matthew McCaughnahey and his two friends are shirtless and sitting on surfboards in the middle of the ocean. I don't need to state the obvious that Matthew McCaughahey, whose character is a sailing enthusiast, is gorgeous and has a hot bod...and that his friend (who also played the dick boyfriend to Rachel McAdams in Wedding Crashers) is a pretty fine piece as well, bearing the mystique of being one of those outdoorsy chacco sandal wearing guys who always has a nalgene bottle on hand.

I must also mention that the third boy in questions has shaggy hair, a kind of goofy expression and is wearing zinc oxide sunscreen on his nose and a life jacket. His backstory is that he is an internet genius who never gets laid. Guess who I think is the most attractive??? Yep....the dork. [TANGENT:I conveniently left out that I think he was the retarded guy pictured above in Gigli....I don't know if that makes me case better or worse. Potentially worse, because I admitted that I saw Gigli and that I thought the mentally challenged guy was the hottest character.]

Exhibit B (okay the guy who played the retarded kid was exhibit A): I just got finished watching Grey's Anatomy. The show has a character whose nickname is Dr. McDreamy, yet I tend to go for George, who is inherently pathetic, lusting after Meridith for almost 2 seasons before he made his move. He also has the goofy look and shaggy hair (at least until today's episode) that seems to do it for me. What is wrong with me?

High Maintenance?

Tuesday, I was at a crossroads. I got a call from a friend telling me about a great job that she knew about. It paid more per hour than my job, the hours are less erratic, and it sounds a lot better on paper. The problem was that its a lot less hours and it seems like something I may be bad at it, because it revolved around cold calling companies and asking for donations. This is from the girl that until about a year ago wouldn't order a pizza unless she was alone and had no other option. [TANGENT: this is because when I was 8, I begged my dad to let me order pizza and somewhere in the wicked game of telephone I played with the Papa John's man, I ordered 4 pizzas instead of 2. Since then, I swore off calling strangers.] This decision was made even harder by the fact that I had an awesome day at the store on Tuesday. I trained some new girls and met every segment! I know this other job is temporary too, and I am just afraid to bounce from temporary position to temporary position. I am also trying to manage 3 side projects at the moment, which I am super excited about. I just can't decide...so I guess I will wait and find out more before I jump to hasty conclusions and fall into the self doubt arena!

Anyways to free my mind and treat myself, Courtney and I went to pop my pedicure cherry and get our toes done. I loved it! I have never been one to get manicures/ pedicures/ or really even haircuts at places that don't put coupons in the CLipper magazine...so this was a big step for Kimmie. I always feel like I am kind of go with the flow kinda gal. I don't routinely spend more than $25 on anything vain for myself, I don't use hair products, and I have never seen the inside of a tanning bed. But because I have been working my ass off lately and feeling slightly stressed I needed it.

I have only really been to nail places like 3 times so I was slightly apprehensive, but the adorable little Vietnamese ladies [I LOVE ASIAN PEOPLE!] put my at ease. [TANGENT: Two of them were pregnant so I worried about the fumes bothering the fetuses. I may not be a doctor, per say, but on Trading Spaces, they won't let a pregnant lady sit in the room while it is getting painted....so nail fumes, paint fumes....roughly the same thing!] They didn't really talk to me so much, they just talked to Courtney (out of fear that I was retarded) so I kind of dozed while the french manicured my toes. [TANGENT: I also said I would never rock the french manicure on the toes...out of fear that it just made you look like you had long ass toe nails, but apparently my level of conviction that I am so damn proud of is diminishing in my old age!]

Apparently as I become more high maintanance in my appearance [I MEAN I AM SURROUNED BY MAKEUP ALL DAY!] I become more finicky in my job search job search. I feel like I am being unreasonable and searching for this position that isn't there. I never thought I would say this but, I think I just need to get over myself!

"I don't know much...but I know Aaron Neville..."

So yesterday I was leaving a pretty pleasant day at "the secret" to get some sweet tea at the food court [TANGENT: I ended up giving up food court food and coffee for Lent, but sweet tea from Chik-Fil-A is still fair game, because frankly I am not so strong that I can resist the temptation of a delicious, moderately priced tea in a handy styrofoam cup...with FREE REFILLS no less. I figured God would understand!] and as I was fiddling with my cell phone, I see two housewives getting off the elevator and having a coniption over someone that was stepping on, saying, "I can't belive you're here and I am meeting you! I love your work. Take care. God Bless!"

Of course, the nosey bitch I am, I hastily pressed the button so the doors would fly back open, and I could spend 1 unescapable minute of one on one with some mystery celebrity! Was it Tom Hanks or Oprah or some other lovable star? Nope, It was Aaron Neville! [TANGENT:While retelling this story to people later at work, no one but the black girls quite knew who I was talking about. Even after singing "I don't know much, but I know I love you....let me be all I need to know," I still got a lot of blank stares. I then followed with the Horation Sanz impression from SNL...still, NOTHING! Who are these people!!] He was wearing the usual "don't look at me, but look at me" attire, sunglasses and a black hat! I know he is not a huge star by today's standards, but I still felt like we needed to share a moment. Here is our conversation:

Me: How are you doing today?
Aaron: good...and you?
Me: Good its not too busy....What are you doing in town? are you doing some shopping today?
Aaron: Yeah....I just gotta pick up something [TANGENT: after walking behind him on the way to the food court, I realized, he was hitting up the diamond store. Maybe to buy a large medallion...who's to say? ]
Me: Have you been in New Orleans this week for the Mardi Gras [after watching the super bowl, I knew that he did a lot of post-katrina work because he was from there...way to be informed!!]
Aaron: No...I have really bad asthma and the air quality is bad [Jackpot: he has confided to me his health problems]

So in all, I think I got way more than the sweet tea I desired, I shared a tender moment in an elevator by a celebrity with a large facial mole!

" I said 'Baby, Its 3 am I must be....watching Murderball'"

Lately I have been having these awful bouts of insomia, triggered by God knows what, and lasting usually until about 4:30 am when I finally give up and reach for the bubble pack of benedryl. I think I have just had a lot on my mind lately. The odd thing is, I am fine all day until I lay down, and I find that I can't quite wind down or just start thinking about all the ducks that I am trying to keep in a row right now. Anyway, last night amid the sea of infomercials and marathons of Celebrity Fit Club and Date My Mom (both episodes I had seen already, which is sad in itself), I found Murderball, the movie about the US quadriplegic rugby team. I was excited, but halfway through it had a "things that make ya go hmmmm...." kinda moment.

These guys were saying that they have no problem meeting girls because they ladies they meet are intrigued by their disability and have that mothering kind of instinct that makes them want to pursue a relationship with them. I am wondering where the hell the guys like that are! I have had quite a few guys have initial interest (mostly what I call the novelty factor) but that has just worn off as the reality of the situation has set in. I also tend to think a lil' bit of a freak flag gets raised when a guy thinks a girl in a wheelchair is hot...its like I assume they are creepy or have a weird fetish. What I am trying to say is: my mentality is FUCKED UP! These thoughts didn't particularly help me go to sleep.

Then I started thinking about Lent. It starts today and frankly, its the one good thing I do as a Catholic, so I take it kind of seriously. I think all religions and spiritualities should give something up that they love for a month. It is a great practice in restraint. This year I am giving up the food court. I eat in it everyday and spend way too much money that I don't have. Here are the things I have given up in the past:

1. Red Meat- this really wasn't that hard but living with my parents, that will be a little harder!
2. Caffeine- this just led to a mental breakdown and many headaches on my behalf. I think I am reliant on the stuff to be a kind person....especially when I was getting up for classes.
3. Cussing- this was maybe the hardest one and I always sounded like an epsiode of Sex And The City that was edited for TBS. I had to catch myself, and on many occasions, "Shit-ake" came out of my mouth!

I guess I should give up relying on over the counter allergy medication to go to sleep....but then, what would I blog about??

The Chronic... (what?) cles of Narnia!

Its about 10:30 on a Saturday night and I am putzing around the internet because the $25 dollars I have in the bank has to make it till tuesday, and I don't have the motivation to leave the house. One would think that with 3 days off in a row, I would be off hittin the town with my girls....but really it has been a pretty ho-hum weekend. (ho-hum seems to be my status quo these days. Not so much bad, just not spectacular.)

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut and come to find out my stylist upped and moved to California. I felt so betrayed because she has been cutting my hair for 3 years and she is the only one that doesn't make me look like I have "the rachel cut" and she is moderately priced. To soothe my sorrows I attended sanctuary (okay maybe not religious sanctuary...but retail sanctuary) and went to Target to indulge myself but all my favorite things.

1) MUSIC - I got the Walk the Line Soundtrack and I love it! [Tangent: it however does not have my favorite song on it...."I got lips and you got lips...lets get together and use those lips. Lets goooooooo. Times a-wastin'" but its really good! I may have to make "It ain't me babe" the favorite in its absense!]

2) FOOTWEAR- I got the cutest green leather thong sandals that I adore! My boss said green is the new pink...I am not sure who decides these things. But whoever he/she is will approve of my shoe purchase.

3) CHOCOLATE- ok so the dove dark chocolates were calling my name and they were 30 cents off. Thats practically a gimme.

So with new chocolate in my belly and Johnny Cash songs in my head (the sandals would be on my feet, but I am not one to rush the season) I went to the movies with my mom. I took her to see the Chronicles of Narnia because everyone and their brother/mother/baby daddy has told me that its an excellent film. Plus, she read me all the books when I was little, so I thought it might be a good bonding activity. I really don't think its much of a kids movie, its pretty damn dark. I am still wondering how I didn't have nightmares about it when my mom used to read it to me. All the interspecies animals were kinda creepy (I kept thinking about how an eagle and a lion would even have sex) and kind of reminded me of the Island of Dr. Moreau. I really liked it but the best part was the craziness that was going on in the aisle in front of me.

15 minutes into the movie, a mother/grandmother/8 year old son trio stomped their way into the movies. Apparently, they didn't quite learn the concept of "inside voices" vs. "outside voices" in kindergarten. Anyway after about 3 minutes of discussing loudly where they were going to sit and bitching about all the seats being taken (they were 15 minutes late recall), they sat down in two seperate rows. This led to many instances of the 8 year old, who I am convinced had several as yet undiagnosed cases of ADHD and turrets syndrome, talking to his mom in the aisle behind him and getting up to eat her popcorn. The mother, who looked moderately white trashy, was just as bad as he was huffing and puffing because they had to sit seperately. Finally, a bald man with a goatee (a look that I generally am not a fan of) shooshed him loadly and then shouted "WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET!" I swear I thought there was going to be a brawl. The whole audience forgot about the enchanted wardrobe and were riveted by the drama unfolding in aisle 2 of Thoroughbred 20, theater 1. Luckily the loose cannon of a mother did not start a brawl and instead the boy obeyed.

This blog is dedicated to you bald, goateed man in aisle 2 for speaking for the rest of those watching the 3:30 showing of The Chronicles of Narnia by saying "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"My funny Valentine...sweet comic Valentine.."

So I never wrote to fill everyone in on my Valentine's Day. I know everyone was so riveted by my last entry that they could not wait to see what transpired.

I woke up at 7:30 because despite not having to be at the mall till 10:00 am, I arrived, coffee and chick lit book in hand, at 9:00 (which is really before its even open!). [TANGENT: I had to be there early because my dad had a "democratic party commitment" and whenever I complain about his meetings messing up my plans, he counters back with "we are really working for you, to make sure your vote counts!" I must have learned my ability to guilt trip from the master- because apparently everything can be traced back to George Bush being an idiot or the elections being fixed! Its not that I don't agree with him; I just tend to not get so enraged about everything!] Anyway- I sat in the food court sausage biscuit in hand watching the mall walkers knock each other over and seeing the janitors wipe down the tables. What a hot and scandalous Valentine's this is turning out to be.

I then bought some food for my coworkers and headed downstairs to get to work. Can I just say, working at a lingerie store on Valentine's Day is perhaps one of the most surreal experiences I have ever had. Desperate men tell you way too much about their personal life and despite wanting to change their minds about their purchases, you just let them mess up. This can perhaps best by demonstrated by a man that I refer to as Shady McPedophile. [he rocked the classis child molester look: transitions lenses that never quite lightened up, a dingy khaki jacket with elasticized cuffs and waist, and a combover.] Anyway- depsite our attempts, as salespeople, to offer him suggestions, he ended up purchasing some mismatched loungewear and a $35 jar of bust enhancing cream. I assume his gift from his significant other will be a kick in the face with a golf shoe. Happy Valentine's day Mr. Molester!

The evening concuded with an italian dinner with my two valentines, my parents, and a good lifetime movie about a woman who had a nervous breakdown and fell in love with a fellow mental patient. I hope this is not foreshadowing of Valetine's Days to come.

"So this is Valentines....and what have we done"

So valentines day is coming up, and I am kind of trying not to be a girl about it [definition of "being a girl": watching chick flicks and moping about not having a man and bringing every happy couple down a notch by always bitching about your own pathetic lonliness!] but it is hard when you work at a place where everyday you help women purchase their sex clothes and help men buy scented lotions and aphrodisiac candles to make the evening "special." This job choice just makes it a little harder to forget Febuary 14th. I always pride myself on not acting this way this time of year, but sometimes I feel tested by the scenarios life throws at me.

One of these was my brief meltdown on tuesday when I got a scam message on MySpace from a girl saying she was secretly in love with me. This led me to believe some stranger thought that based on my profile, I was a lesbian, so I had a minor 20 minute session of "DO PEOPLE THINK I AM GAY!!!" I mean I know it is the M.O. for me to be manless, but that new perspective had never crossed my mind....and now it was! SHIT!!!! This lasted only 20 minutes because then Angi called me and said our other roomate had gotten the same message 2 weeks earlier and it was a sham. THANK GOD!

I also dodged being a third wheel/ tagalong on a blind date thing tonight for one of my gay best friends. I was not so much, that might have been awkward and mildly depressing for me. I am kind of thankful my shoulder was sore!!

So I decided to rise above my own self imposed head trips, and head to the white trash mecca, Wal-Mart, to seek happiness via valentines goodies. I bought cards for my single friends, dove dark chocolates, all the makings for strawberry/valentine's cupcakes, and some cute new bras and panties [I realize that I am being a trader buying lingerie at a discount chain when I work at a store that sells it, but I am a cheap gal!]. I figured I would heed the advice of my dove chocolate wrapper [which I consider to be like a fortune cookie for a ritzy person] and "buy myself flowers" and "don't think about it that much." You can tell these little nuggets of hope were written for the types of people that buy a bag of dark chocolates right before Valentine's Day....LONELY WOMEN. What brilliant marketing!

WHAT THE HELL IS SHE WEARING??

I went back and read over the last few posts and I look lame...like I don't do anything...which lately has been the case! Maybe I will redeem myself this weekend..if not surely next week. Ty and I are going to Chattanooga and that should make things better. Lately I have been very antsy and understimulated!

Ok so now I am prepared to make myself look lamer. Today I was observing the new fourteen year old girl uniform (which working at the mall I get to see in abundance): It consists of the following garmets:

• DENIM MINI (preferably from Abercrombie)- true it may be roughly 20 degrees outside, but that seems like no reason not to bust out the chaunch-baring skirt, because fear not, her legs are covered with:
• LEGGINGS! (yes I said leggings with a skirt and I am not referencing Stephanie Tanner's wardrobe on Full House)- It seems nonsensical but to them it makes sense
• A POLO SHIRT- the popped collar is assumed
• UGG BOOTS- furry or non furry, I am still aghast that these have not yet gone out of style, they are rivaled only in their ugliness by CROCS!!
• A LOUIS VUITTON BAG- This angers me beyond belief because the same girls that that have a $250 bag thing 5/$30 for scent products is too high!

Leaving work today I thought, "surely girls my age didn't dress that bad."- but then I remembered when I was 14:

• MAVI or SILVER JEANS- honestly I don't even think they make these anymore and if they do, they are probobly being sold at Target alongside Mossimo and Issac Mizrahi (I guess I was progressive in the late 90's, because I shopped at Target before all the big designers were there- either that or I was poor!)
• GAP ANORAK- for some reason rain or shine these were always worn, I had two and was really proud of it, I wasn't like some girls who wore them every day, but they are scarcely seen now!
• T-SHIRT- The t-shirts seemed pretty non decript then, a nice Gap pocket T or the classic "NO FEAR" or "JOE'S CRABSHACK-LOVE, PEACE, AND CRABS!" would be acceptable
• TIMBERLAND HIKING BOOTS- I remember one day in my health class in 9th grade, I got bored and counted 0ver 15 pairs [this was after my health teacher (who I loved!) gave us a no smoking lecture when her clothes reaked of Camel Lights!- this led to my best friend telling to the class that her grandfather died of Lung Cancer to which the boy in front of her turned around and said, "Sucks for ya!"...she is still pissed about that to this day, only now SHE is a chain smoker!]...the boot could also be interchanged for the Adidas soccer sandal with white socks. Not a good look, but a frequently rocked look!

See..told ya that I have been lame lately

So I was working at the Secret today wiping down the makeup counter and restocking shelves, and I heard a song a differently than I usually do.[ TANGENT: I should start by saying I hate the music they play in the store because it is all either techno or deathcab for cutie, and although I like the deathcab [Plans is an excellent album], there is little transitions, and in mixes, transitions are key!! I usually zone out, but my anger over a dandruffy Asian man who got snippy with me and the sheer lack of customers needing lotion in their life made me seek peace through music.] Anyway the song in question is this song by some horrible Christian turned pseudo alternative band that seem to be the darlings of the TRL circuit. I think its switchfoot or lifehouse or something of that nature (some name where two unlike singular nouns are joined to portray something metaphorically Christ-like). Anyway- here are the lyrics:

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose.- shitty band

Anyway, I questioned if I was "who I wanted to be?" I think the better question would be "is it WHERE I want to be?" I mean I generally like myself, but sometimes feel that my elders might have something with that phrase, "sometimes your reach exceeds your grasp." I sincerely think this is my problem. I am in such a damn hurry and I have about 8000 things i want to do. And although I keep hearing people say they have no regrets, I tend to think thats bullshit! I mean who would we be without regrets [wow....I suddenly realized this is turning moderately philosophical and not about some reality show or some stupid drama in my life, I also realized I missed Project Runway tonight!] I think there are many instances in my life when I should have either said something or kept my mouth shut, suprisingly the first seems more true!! I have quite a few times in my life, especially this adult life where I have just been practical and said, that wouldn't work I shouldn't try because I don't want to feel stupid in failing. Failure is something I hate more than anything! But now in hindsight I regret not grabbing the bull by the balls (or the boy or the situation) and said, "listen here, I am willing to try!!" People always think that I am so ambitious and such an "inspiration" but that pisses the hell out of me because I want so much more than living at my parents, being carless, being boyfriendless, working at the mall and having my 3 best friends live over a hundred miles away! For a lack of a better phrase, it blows! I mean I love that I have awards on a shelf and a resume which makes me look moderately accomplished, but why do I sit and ponder ridiculously trite songs that come of "Victoria's Very Sexy Hits: Vol 2"? The world may never know!

I left out the part where it says "yesterday is a kid in the corner" because frankly I still have yet to figure that out !!

I need a Physical!

There are few times I can be thankful for my health problems, but the other day upon reading the paper, I thanked God for my shortness of breath and trips to the Vanderbilt ER. Apparently the new bachelor is an ER doctor at Vandy, who definitely can checked my vitals if not seen me partially nude this past summer. I saw his picture staring at me from the front page of the Life section, and was like, "wait I know him, thats the hot Dr. Stork!!" I seem to remember some hot doctor coming in and being shocked that he wasn't middle eastern or really old. [this is not a racial statement, it is an observation that most docs at Vanderbilt have a last name that I cannot pronounce...trust me: I am an expert on this subject!] Perhaps I will not be so hesitant to visit the ER next time, although I think a lot of other sad single women have the same idea.

I enjoy having connections to celebrities, only my joy is when I have a really distant relationship to a B or C level celebrity. Case in point: I once had my picture taken with Mr. Belding from Saved By the Bell after he came up to me at a charity function and asked "Have you ever seen Saved By the Bell? I had to save my best friend from selling Bill Engvall (that Here's your sign guy) a raffle ticket for a signed Blue Collar Comedy Tour poster. I have held Six from Blossom's dog, and seen her wearing some white pants that she should have considering wearing panties with. Frank Wycheck from the Titans once opened the door for me at the movie theater. In addition, I have met the voice of the Taco Bell Chihauaua and a good number of Nashville Star contestants. If I ever met someone huge, I don't think it would affect me that much. I think it is more exciting to know people that are kinda normal, but still secretly think they are hot shit.

My hope is that Dr. Stork never starts thinking he is hot shit. I hope he doesn't quit medicine altogether to join the ranks of other ex reality show stars. I mean maybe he wants to compete in Battle of the Reality TV Stars or make out with Candace Cameron on the The Surreal Life, but to me that would be a little sad....especially since we shared a moment.

I wanna be like DOG...

Like so many other recent nights, I was laying in bed at my parents house trying to find something to watch at 1 am besides infomercials and BET uncut. [TANGENT: I will have worked 40 hours this week selling disount gift sets and lotions to crazed Brentwoodians at the Semi Annual Sale] I fell upon a show which is strangely intriguing and captivating. The show I speak of: DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER. I had heard of this show but never watched it mainly because although I am a college graduate and consider myself intelligent, I had no clue what a bounty hunter was, and furthermore, why would I have an interest in their shananigans. After back to back episodes, I have learned that a bounty hunter is someone that seeks out bail jumpers, captures them and then heckles them all the way back to jail. Dog [which I believe is his given Christian name] and his wife are reason enough to watch it. They lead you to believe that people that live in Hawaii think that its 1990. It is not uncommon to see glorious bleach blonde mullets, mesh shirts, bike shorts or fingerless gloves on a given episode. It also kinda made me want to do this job...although it seemed white trashy, it seemed thrilling and kind of honorable. Although I have never changed my major and have known what I wanted to do since middle school, I often wish that I could do everything....yet I don't. The closest I have gotten is a job offer from a collection agency. I am not about to pursue a career in making people hate me. Its a lot easier to work in retail and just roll my eyes at small children stick their fingers in the eyeshadows and watch old ladies break perfume bottles!!

I was Opportunity

So today I was laying in bed, glad to not be at the mall, watching some quality cable access programming. I always get intrigued my children's plays that they air on our local cable access channel. It brings me back to the day when I wanted to be an actress and had to be in every play at lipscomb ementary. I imagine I was a fairly annoying child (God knows I was an intolerable adolescent). Videotapes of these plays also make for great college partytime entertainment. They never make sense, they are horribly acted and they have catchy songs. Whats not to love?

Anyway there was one role in paricular from my youth that made me think. In the 4th grade, we put on some sort of Thanksgiving play about all these values coming to eat together. I remember there being a justice and maybe freedom or something like that. Anyway, I played Opportunity. [I will never forget that the script called for "Oppotunity" to wear tacky clothing and a "jaunty hat." Jaunty according to my mother meant an electric blue nike hat covered in buttons....ohhh 1993!!!] Anyway, when I entered the scene, someone said "who is that knocking?" and some other random dinner guest says "Its oppotunity knocking." [At the time, I didn't get the pun. I imagine the only people that did were the parents and teachers.] It made me think about what this dinner date would actually be like? What would transpire? I imagine like most dinner parties, they would need a little social lubrication {aka wine} to make things go smoother. I don't think Lipscomb would have gone for that! I also want to know when Opportunity is going to knock again for me soon. It seems that she is behind every door, but my knocker is missing. Someone get this girl a jaunty hat!!!

Changes in Attitude...Changes in Lattitude

This is what has become of what has been my adorable room for 4 1/2 years. My walls are white and nursing home looking. I miss my audrey hepburn, my vintage ads, picture collages, and my paintings. I had to part with my stacks of old magazines and various other "collections" ((Beer caps, movie stubs...etc). I have come to terms that they are indeed just crap I saved in hopes of garnering inspiration or using them in some artistic capacity. My eyes starting watering today in the media lab but I think it was just stress and the glow of the mac. I went to my usual haunts (the mass comm building, the ATC, the media lab, Maria's office) to make a final appearance.


I really don't think I realize I am graduating. I feel very ill prepared. I have no idea what I am wearing yet. I need a haircut to get rid of this damn bell shape my hair is favoring lately. I just realized I was grauduating Cum Laude today when I found my white sash in my graduation packet. I also have yet to decide what to write on my graduation cap. This is a big decision. Here are my options:
A. Where's the Beef? - Ok...I know no one in the audience will get it, but its an ad slogan and its funny and random.
B. Your Ad Here- This one is boring but appropriate and easy to understand.
C. Pictures of advertising characters.....kinda lame but appropriate.

Starting tomorrow I will be sleeping in my room at my parents house...in a room that kinda makes me feel like I am in High School. Even though my bed here doesn't have a box spring, but rather a wooden plank, I still sleep better in Murfreesboro than in Brentwood. I am however SOOOOOO excited to be going back to the city of NASHVILLE. I love it there, it is my home and the idea of staying in Murfreesboro forever is sad...I just wish I could transport many things and people and experiences and place them in the city I love.

Stuck

Well, presently I am quarantined to my room, not so much by choice, but rather because the bathroom door outside my bedroom got left open and has left me pinned in 611 D. Soon hopefully, I will get rescued by one of my neighbors who are eating lunch right now. Luckily I have a box of cheezits and some homemade fudge to sustain me.

Anyway this time is good I guess for me to have some reflection time. I finished my last exam ever last night for my Movie Musicals class. Although it sounds like a bullshit class, it is far from. Memorizing the names of characters, composers, actors, and directors for 11 musicals twas not easy. [sorry I just got distracted by a commercial for Brokeback Mountain. Is it weird that I really want to see this film? Is it even weirder that I am somewhat excited about seeing Jake Gyllenthal and Heath Ledger makeout? It is intriguing. I don't really blame men for getting all excited over lesbian action....because if lesbians looked like Donnie Darko and The Patriot...I would be alll over it!!] sorry back to the matter at hand, graduation. I am excited, but feel it is somewhat anticlimactic. I mean a bunch of the people I really want to be there, can't come. Phillip just moved to San Diego. Andraea will be in Florida. Kristen has to work because she is taking the whole next week off for Christmas.

I also started back working at "The Secret" (Victoria's Secret to those in the know) this weekend and feel that it will be great motivation to get me out there looking for a real job. I don't want to be 4o and working in retail. I hate hearing peopel bitch about a job that isn't challenging at all. Its not like Brentwood people are unwilling to buy overpriced lingerie or bath products. I used to love this job last Christmas. What has changed? Not sure if it is me or the people. I want something where I have more to say then:

"Hello...Who are you shopping for today? well just to let you know about the deals going on in the garden today: everything on this wall is 3/$24 or 6/$30. You can mix and match any combination of products and scents. Also don't feel limited to 6 products, becuase if you go over 6, they are $5 a piece."

What do the Gideons know about life??

Today me and Ty were leaving the KUC after our Tuesday/Thursday girls lunch and there were the everpresent pentecostal/amish kids in their bonnets and dresses that makes them look like characters out of "American Girl" books. Anyway, they were all handing out these handouts condemning people to hell if they had premarital sex. I tell this story to raise 2 points>>>>

Point One- Why do people never hand me flyers in front of the KUC?? It seems I never get handed flyers or gideon bibles or anything unless I know the people (the students, not the gideons...I don't forsee myself having a lot in common with the gideons...unless its gideon yago. meow!!). Perhaps it is because my hands are generally full of shit while driving a motorized vehicle or maybe it is because they fear interaction. Most people would be glad to not have another piece of trash but I sometimes would love to be at least invited to the foam parties at the Drink or the trashy rap showcase. Either way, it is an issue.

Point Two- Why the hell are little kids preaching to me about premarital sex?? This really irks me. No one should be judging or condemning anyone much less these homely children in bonnets. I just hate when people teach their kids to hate. It is perhaps my number one pet peave. (after of course UGG boots and people who have shitty taste in music) It makes me glad that I have really open minded parents!! I just think when you are young it is easy to live in a bubble of ignorance but their parents have no excuse to be acting so, for lack of a better term, retarded.

La Vie Boheme Demonbreun Style

So its Thanksgiving weekend so I am spending it at my parents house, keeping in mind that this will be the last time I will come home as a visitor. The dreaded moving back in with the family is a month away and I am scared that it will be steps backward for ol' kimmie.

Anyway I had a great Thanksgiving with the family and then yesterday I spent the day with Kristen and Kelly. We went and saw RENT bc God knows I enjoy a good musical. My only issue was there was too much singing in it. There were moments where I was like "Shit!!! just talk already!!" because in conversation rhyming isn't always necessary (unless you are friends with someone that enjoys speaking only is like sounding words) and it makes speech a lot more natural. Song and dance numbers are appropriate at some junctures but when a movie is only 5% talking, I take issue. this is not to say that I didn't love it...don't get me wrong. Drag queens, artsy people and gay boys. it sounds right up my alley...right?? And it was!

Anyway then myself, kristen, my sister, ty, court, courts boyfriend and his friends, and my brother went to Demonbreun for the evening. Thus continuing our tradition of the night out the day after thanksgiving. I refer to it as "RANDOM NIGHT" Last year I saw about 40% of my hs graduationg class at 2 doors down, shared some forced hellos, and then had some random hot MExi make out with me as we were forcing our way to the back of the Tin Roof. This year, I ran into this guy from summer camp that I used to have a crush on when I was about 15. It cracks me up that you can be moderately obsessed with someone and then it comes a day, when they just are not on your mind anymore. I assume this day happened about 7 years ago bc when he said hi to me at Dan McGuiness last night, I had no idea who he was. Then as I was sitting at the table drinking my beer, scrolling through the list of people built like him with big noses (which I am still a fan of to this day) and it hit me!! It was Ben...holy freakin hell! Contrary to popular belief between 1999 and now, I have met a lot of people. I felt bad so we called him over and caught up...i reckon I should have gotten his number so we could catch up further, but it didn't happen. He said they were going to meet up with us at the Tin Roof but it never happened....sigh....

whats worse, it made me feel worse about not having any plans after graduation. His twin brother, whom I also had a crush on, was gonna be an architect in LA and he was a writer in Atlanta. I have decided the job search needs to start now....I mean after I finish this ever important blog that is.... I mean why can't I just be a hapless bohemian who can't pay the rent living in the east village? Oh yeah then according to the movie, I would have to have AIDS or have all my friends die of aids...no dice!

I would go black for KANYE!!!

So for some crazy reason, MTSU got Kanye West to come play at the Murphy Center. I know....bold choice right?? I didn't really want to pay $37 so I could look like a complete poser...I mean I know all the words to "Golddigger" (even though when I sing it, I say..."but I ain't messin with no broke tigger")and the beginnning of "through the wire" but who doesn't? But my lovely roomate, Angi, bought me a ticket for my birthday and we had a blast. I was also very impressed with Fantasia [TANGENT: I am an american idol nerd who obsesses over the episodes and is one of those people that hosts american idol night at the apartment so we can comment on Paulas coke habit and the ever pressence of chunky rings on male contestants] who sang a lot of covers, which was good news for me because I didn't know any of her songs. I am always a fan of cover songs for this reason. She did Dream On and Purple Rain. It was kick ass.

Then Kanye came out and I realized that I was in love with a black man...and his name was Kanye. [or as phillip calls him kayan and as MTSU calls him kayne.] he has all the qualities I am looking for: he detests BUSH, he is a snappy dresser, and he is kind of a smart ass. I found myself going buck, and I wasn't the only white girl doing so because, you see, Kanye unites the people.

ok...enough about that.. yesterday was my birthday. I started the day stressed as ever because I have my advertising plans book due monday. BUt I only turn 23 once, so I thought I would go out in style. We had a girls night of spaghetti factory and buffalo billiards. I didn't bring adequate clothes from Murf to Nash so i had to dress in full mary kate olson style and just pile on layers and hope for the best. [TANGENT: I had a really good time and love hanging out with my high school girls bc we know all the shit from the past, when we were pretty dorky and can respect where we are now. We also never seem to lose time which is nice. ] some highlights of the night included samantha finding hair in her sketti and having to stuff bread in her purse (which she later pulled out at buffalo billiards) so her intoxication would not be as severe; jessica and ty having a whose boobs are bigger contest (jess won); and assorted other hilarity that I didn't remmeber until I saw courtney's picture's online. I love my friends!!!

Wedding Bells I don't hear

Yesterday I went to Jenny's wedding reception and it was awesome...chocolate fountains, drunken uncles, and a white tent!! Although Phillip, my go to gay wedding date, and I had only one drink, we felt as if there were roofies involved because we made a quick exit to go dry heave outside. False vomit alarms aside, the whole theatrics of it all made me realize that I want a backyard wedding someday. My parents ought to start landscaping or move into a bigger house altogether because there will be no place for parking.

Anyway, my roomate went to a different wedding yesteray where the two parties hadn't been dating that long and had a very short enagement. They, like my roomate, are really religious and saving themselves for marriage. This begged the question for me, if you don't believe in premarital sex, do you have a shorter engagement...period of dating...etc? I believe there should be some sort of case study done. It seems like the Jesusy ones are always the ones hurrying into marriage. Maybe they are more certain of their decision or maybe they are just horny and ready to get some. Who is to say? It really made me wonder. She also told me about a friend who had his first kiss with his wife and assumably his first sexin on the same day...his wedding day. That, my friend...is TOO MUCH!! I mean it is incredibly romantic, but in my world, this would never happen. kissing is important and I just think a first kiss, a first wedding, and a first sexin (do you enjoy how I keep refering to it as sexin?) all in one day is a bit much. I am very perplexed by this!

All I know is that I am not even in the realm to think about marriage...there have been no applicants that are up to the challenge. The sound of wedding bells makes me frankly sick at the moment.

The Best Kind of Garbage

So last night I checked into a room at the luxurious Marriott on west end, watched some sex and the city, had electrodes placed all over my body and was videotaped while I slept. Kinky, eh? Actually I was having a sleep study done at the urging of my doctor. It was really cool and I got some much needed good news that makes me feel 99% less like an old man and will make my life 86% easier (all percentages are apporoximate).

So when I get back to my parents house at 7 am to take a much needed shower before i embark back to the boro, I catch something on TV that is perhaps the best bad movie that I have ever seen. As a lover of bad movies (CAMP, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Jack Frost...) I was excited to see on the digial cable "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie." Knowing that I am a fan of 80s nostalgia, it had potential. What I assumed would be a cartoon was instead a live action move...the potential for greatness grew. I thought instead of rambling off why the public should watch it, I would let someone else's opinion flow. The following is a review I found when I googled the film. By the end of this long rant, you will buy this film out of pure curiosity:


The movie stars Mackenzie Astin, whom you might remember as smarmy hipster Andy Moffett from The Facts of Life. Okay, no problems there - he was a fairly substantial star at the time, all things considered. Astin plays 'Dodger,' a crafty kid who's gotten himself into trouble with the town's local thugs. The thugs like to steal his lunch money and handcuff him to sewer pipes underground, so at least the flick makes no vague standings on who's good and who's evil. Dodger practically lives at the old antique shop belonging to his elder pal, Captain Mancini.

Mancini has a good heart, but suffers from a terminal depression over society's current trends and emphasis on physical beauty. I assume you can guess where this is headed.In the opening credits, we get to see the Garbage Pail Kids' space shuttle, not very surprisingly shaped like a garbage pail, crash-land on Earth. As it turns out, Captain Mancini got his hands on the pail, and it's now residing amongst the many knickknacks and Victorian door knobs in his antique shop. He warns Dodger never to open the pail, which might've been a demand of redundancy since the thing is just covered in disgusting toxic green sludge.

Things heat up when we meet Dodger's would-be love interest, Tangerine. Problem is, she's currently dating 'Juice,' the very same hoodlum who keeps beating up Dodger. Tangerine seems less than interested in the little kid's advances, but he refuses to give up since Tangy manages to take her shirt off no less than sixty times in the film's duration. As an added bonus, she wears the same dirty purple bra throughout the whole movie. Filthy skank. Just so we're clear, Tangerine's a bad girl who might end up being a good girl if she could stop doing such immoral, slutty things. Can Dodger sway her to the light?Not quite yet - Tangy's boyfriend and the film's other assorted goons come into the antique shop and mangle Dodger for the 27th time. They even lock him in the sewer again, but before a stream of liquid shit can smack our unlikely hero, a group of strange little creatures save the day! Dodger's not quite sure what to make of it all, but he certainly appreciates the sentiment. Let's meet the Garbage Pail Kids!

Okay, put yourself in a kid's shoes for a second. You're telling me you wouldn't find these guys just a wee bit frightening? When I saw it, I remember the feeling of dread when they first walked onscreen. I was worried about what I had gotten myself into - it was sort of like fighting for the last spare rib on Chinese Food Night, winning, and realizing that this particular spare rib was chosen last because it was full of those gross pork veins. All right, it's not at all like that. Either way, the GPKids scared the popcorn out of my lap. They all shared an innate, Chucky-like quality - but it's made worse by the fact that there's really people in those suits, allowing for much greater mobility and a far heavier amount of creepiness.Captain Mancini returns and explains that the world will never let the Garbage Pail Kids exist peacefully, and begs that they return to the pail. They refuse, so everyone makes the most of a bad situation by catching up on old times and throwing up all over the floor. Though gruff, Dodger sees the kids as a bunch of misunderstood friendly folks. That might be true, but it's not a reason for him to actually hang out with them. We get seven different kids based on some of the more popular cards - here's a closer look at some of the more notable ones.

Ali Gator is the surrogate leader of the pack, partly because he's got a cool haircut, but mostly because he's, you know, an alligator. Upon introduction, Ali immediately begins talking about his penchant for human toes. In fact, he pulls out a box and starts eating toes and eyeballs from it. For those keeping score, it was at this point that I made Mommy take me home. I don't think she was too disappointed.

Windy Winston is the second in command. You know, I've never really used the word on X-E as a matter of personal preference, but there's really no way to avoid it in this case. Winston farts. Farts farts farts, farts farts. That's all he does for the entire movie - farts left and right, up and down, loud and noxiously. It's not just implied, either - you get to hear 'em, and sometimes, you even get to see 'em by way of ridiculous special fogging effects placed in the general vicinity of Winston's scary black ass.

Next up, Valerie Vomit. Care to take a stab at her claim to fame? Yes, Valerie's super power is the ability to throw up on command. As a trading card, Valerie was easily one of the most putrid of all the Garbage Pail Kids - it depicted her cooking her vomit in a large saucepan as she was throwing it up. Yeah, that's what kids were into. Anytime someone talks about all the terrible things kids are growing up on these days, remind them of that. It could be much worse. Anyway, the live-action version of Valerie Vomit is somehow even uglier, looking like a mobile basketball star's bobblehead figure who just happens to upchuck at will. She doesn't do the deed till much later in the movie. I guess they wanted to provide a payoff scene to the three people who actually made it the whole way through.If you don't believe it could get any worse, here's a few more of the stars you're forced to watch for the next 90 minutes...

Messy Tessie, the girl who plays with her snot. And my, she's really got quite a stockpile of the stuff. Tessie uses her snot to perform various acts throughout the film, including fixing televisions and affixing plastic jewels to the clothes she makes. NOPE, NOT KIDDING. Tessie also has the nasty habit shaking her snot-covered hands with everyone she meets. I'm really surprised the director of this flick never got to thank the Academy.

Just in case you were still a little undecided on whether or not the people responsible for this movie should be castrated and lobotomized, here's Nat Nerd, a pimply faced wimp who responds to excitement and intrigue by pissing himself. According to the producers, this activity is made funnier by repeating it a hundred times at various interval. The oddest part? Nat is probably the least offensive of all the kids. That's right - acne-ridden Nat who urinates on the floor 100 times is the least disgusting Garbage Pail Kid.

Rounding out the cast was Greaser Greg, the GPKid from the 50s, and Foul Phil, a sweet little ugly baby troll with bad breath. I can't tell you how pleased I am by my decision to write about these guys for the next few hours.....

( I am gonna leave it there bc I want you all to go watch it now!!!!!!!!!!!)