Saturday, February 25, 2006

The Chronic... (what?) cles of Narnia!
Its about 10:30 on a Saturday night and I am putzing around the internet because the $25 dollars I have in the bank has to make it till tuesday, and I don't have the motivation to leave the house. One would think that with 3 days off in a row, I would be off hittin the town with my girls....but really it has been a pretty ho-hum weekend. (ho-hum seems to be my status quo these days. Not so much bad, just not spectacular.)
Yesterday I went to get my hair cut and come to find out my stylist upped and moved to California. I felt so betrayed because she has been cutting my hair for 3 years and she is the only one that doesn't make me look like I have "the rachel cut" and she is moderately priced. To soothe my sorrows I attended sanctuary (okay maybe not religious sanctuary...but retail sanctuary) and went to Target to indulge myself but all my favorite things.
1) MUSIC - I got the Walk the Line Soundtrack and I love it! [Tangent: it however does not have my favorite song on it...."I got lips and you got lips...lets get together and use those lips. Lets goooooooo. Times a-wastin'" but its really good! I may have to make "It ain't me babe" the favorite in its absense!]
2) FOOTWEAR- I got the cutest green leather thong sandals that I adore! My boss said green is the new pink...I am not sure who decides these things. But whoever he/she is will approve of my shoe purchase.
3) CHOCOLATE- ok so the dove dark chocolates were calling my name and they were 30 cents off. Thats practically a gimme.
So with new chocolate in my belly and Johnny Cash songs in my head (the sandals would be on my feet, but I am not one to rush the season) I went to the movies with my mom. I took her to see the Chronicles of Narnia because everyone and their brother/mother/baby daddy has told me that its an excellent film. Plus, she read me all the books when I was little, so I thought it might be a good bonding activity. I really don't think its much of a kids movie, its pretty damn dark. I am still wondering how I didn't have nightmares about it when my mom used to read it to me. All the interspecies animals were kinda creepy (I kept thinking about how an eagle and a lion would even have sex) and kind of reminded me of the Island of Dr. Moreau. I really liked it but the best part was the craziness that was going on in the aisle in front of me.
15 minutes into the movie, a mother/grandmother/8 year old son trio stomped their way into the movies. Apparently, they didn't quite learn the concept of "inside voices" vs. "outside voices" in kindergarten. Anyway after about 3 minutes of discussing loudly where they were going to sit and bitching about all the seats being taken (they were 15 minutes late recall), they sat down in two seperate rows. This led to many instances of the 8 year old, who I am convinced had several as yet undiagnosed cases of ADHD and turrets syndrome, talking to his mom in the aisle behind him and getting up to eat her popcorn. The mother, who looked moderately white trashy, was just as bad as he was huffing and puffing because they had to sit seperately. Finally, a bald man with a goatee (a look that I generally am not a fan of) shooshed him loadly and then shouted "WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET!" I swear I thought there was going to be a brawl. The whole audience forgot about the enchanted wardrobe and were riveted by the drama unfolding in aisle 2 of Thoroughbred 20, theater 1. Luckily the loose cannon of a mother did not start a brawl and instead the boy obeyed.
This blog is dedicated to you bald, goateed man in aisle 2 for speaking for the rest of those watching the 3:30 showing of The Chronicles of Narnia by saying "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

"My funny Valentine...sweet comic Valentine.."

So I never wrote to fill everyone in on my Valentine's Day. I know everyone was so riveted by my last entry that they could not wait to see what transpired.

I woke up at 7:30 because despite not having to be at the mall till 10:00 am, I arrived, coffee and chick lit book in hand, at 9:00 (which is really before its even open!). [TANGENT: I had to be there early because my dad had a "democratic party commitment" and whenever I complain about his meetings messing up my plans, he counters back with "we are really working for you, to make sure your vote counts!" I must have learned my ability to guilt trip from the master- because apparently everything can be traced back to George Bush being an idiot or the elections being fixed! Its not that I don't agree with him; I just tend to not get so enraged about everything!] Anyway- I sat in the food court sausage biscuit in hand watching the mall walkers knock each other over and seeing the janitors wipe down the tables. What a hot and scandalous Valentine's this is turning out to be.

I then bought some food for my coworkers and headed downstairs to get to work. Can I just say, working at a lingerie store on Valentine's Day is perhaps one of the most surreal experiences I have ever had. Desperate men tell you way too much about their personal life and despite wanting to change their minds about their purchases, you just let them mess up. This can perhaps best by demonstrated by a man that I refer to as Shady McPedophile. [he rocked the classis child molester look: transitions lenses that never quite lightened up, a dingy khaki jacket with elasticized cuffs and waist, and a combover.] Anyway- depsite our attempts, as salespeople, to offer him suggestions, he ended up purchasing some mismatched loungewear and a $35 jar of bust enhancing cream. I assume his gift from his significant other will be a kick in the face with a golf shoe. Happy Valentine's day Mr. Molester!

The evening concuded with an italian dinner with my two valentines, my parents, and a good lifetime movie about a woman who had a nervous breakdown and fell in love with a fellow mental patient. I hope this is not foreshadowing of Valetine's Days to come.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

"So this is Valentines....and what have we done"

So valentines day is coming up, and I am kind of trying not to be a girl about it [definition of "being a girl": watching chick flicks and moping about not having a man and bringing every happy couple down a notch by always bitching about your own pathetic lonliness!] but it is hard when you work at a place where everyday you help women purchase their sex clothes and help men buy scented lotions and aphrodisiac candles to make the evening "special." This job choice just makes it a little harder to forget Febuary 14th. I always pride myself on not acting this way this time of year, but sometimes I feel tested by the scenarios life throws at me.

One of these was my brief meltdown on tuesday when I got a scam message on MySpace from a girl saying she was secretly in love with me. This led me to believe some stranger thought that based on my profile, I was a lesbian, so I had a minor 20 minute session of "DO PEOPLE THINK I AM GAY!!!" I mean I know it is the M.O. for me to be manless, but that new perspective had never crossed my mind....and now it was! SHIT!!!! This lasted only 20 minutes because then Angi called me and said our other roomate had gotten the same message 2 weeks earlier and it was a sham. THANK GOD!

I also dodged being a third wheel/ tagalong on a blind date thing tonight for one of my gay best friends. I was not so much, that might have been awkward and mildly depressing for me. I am kind of thankful my shoulder was sore!!

So I decided to rise above my own self imposed head trips, and head to the white trash mecca, Wal-Mart, to seek happiness via valentines goodies. I bought cards for my single friends, dove dark chocolates, all the makings for strawberry/valentine's cupcakes, and some cute new bras and panties [I realize that I am being a trader buying lingerie at a discount chain when I work at a store that sells it, but I am a cheap gal!]. I figured I would heed the advice of my dove chocolate wrapper [which I consider to be like a fortune cookie for a ritzy person] and "buy myself flowers" and "don't think about it that much." You can tell these little nuggets of hope were written for the types of people that buy a bag of dark chocolates right before Valentine's Day....LONELY WOMEN. What brilliant marketing!