I was Opportunity

So today I was laying in bed, glad to not be at the mall, watching some quality cable access programming. I always get intrigued my children's plays that they air on our local cable access channel. It brings me back to the day when I wanted to be an actress and had to be in every play at lipscomb ementary. I imagine I was a fairly annoying child (God knows I was an intolerable adolescent). Videotapes of these plays also make for great college partytime entertainment. They never make sense, they are horribly acted and they have catchy songs. Whats not to love?

Anyway there was one role in paricular from my youth that made me think. In the 4th grade, we put on some sort of Thanksgiving play about all these values coming to eat together. I remember there being a justice and maybe freedom or something like that. Anyway, I played Opportunity. [I will never forget that the script called for "Oppotunity" to wear tacky clothing and a "jaunty hat." Jaunty according to my mother meant an electric blue nike hat covered in buttons....ohhh 1993!!!] Anyway, when I entered the scene, someone said "who is that knocking?" and some other random dinner guest says "Its oppotunity knocking." [At the time, I didn't get the pun. I imagine the only people that did were the parents and teachers.] It made me think about what this dinner date would actually be like? What would transpire? I imagine like most dinner parties, they would need a little social lubrication {aka wine} to make things go smoother. I don't think Lipscomb would have gone for that! I also want to know when Opportunity is going to knock again for me soon. It seems that she is behind every door, but my knocker is missing. Someone get this girl a jaunty hat!!!

Changes in Attitude...Changes in Lattitude

This is what has become of what has been my adorable room for 4 1/2 years. My walls are white and nursing home looking. I miss my audrey hepburn, my vintage ads, picture collages, and my paintings. I had to part with my stacks of old magazines and various other "collections" ((Beer caps, movie stubs...etc). I have come to terms that they are indeed just crap I saved in hopes of garnering inspiration or using them in some artistic capacity. My eyes starting watering today in the media lab but I think it was just stress and the glow of the mac. I went to my usual haunts (the mass comm building, the ATC, the media lab, Maria's office) to make a final appearance.


I really don't think I realize I am graduating. I feel very ill prepared. I have no idea what I am wearing yet. I need a haircut to get rid of this damn bell shape my hair is favoring lately. I just realized I was grauduating Cum Laude today when I found my white sash in my graduation packet. I also have yet to decide what to write on my graduation cap. This is a big decision. Here are my options:
A. Where's the Beef? - Ok...I know no one in the audience will get it, but its an ad slogan and its funny and random.
B. Your Ad Here- This one is boring but appropriate and easy to understand.
C. Pictures of advertising characters.....kinda lame but appropriate.

Starting tomorrow I will be sleeping in my room at my parents house...in a room that kinda makes me feel like I am in High School. Even though my bed here doesn't have a box spring, but rather a wooden plank, I still sleep better in Murfreesboro than in Brentwood. I am however SOOOOOO excited to be going back to the city of NASHVILLE. I love it there, it is my home and the idea of staying in Murfreesboro forever is sad...I just wish I could transport many things and people and experiences and place them in the city I love.

Stuck

Well, presently I am quarantined to my room, not so much by choice, but rather because the bathroom door outside my bedroom got left open and has left me pinned in 611 D. Soon hopefully, I will get rescued by one of my neighbors who are eating lunch right now. Luckily I have a box of cheezits and some homemade fudge to sustain me.

Anyway this time is good I guess for me to have some reflection time. I finished my last exam ever last night for my Movie Musicals class. Although it sounds like a bullshit class, it is far from. Memorizing the names of characters, composers, actors, and directors for 11 musicals twas not easy. [sorry I just got distracted by a commercial for Brokeback Mountain. Is it weird that I really want to see this film? Is it even weirder that I am somewhat excited about seeing Jake Gyllenthal and Heath Ledger makeout? It is intriguing. I don't really blame men for getting all excited over lesbian action....because if lesbians looked like Donnie Darko and The Patriot...I would be alll over it!!] sorry back to the matter at hand, graduation. I am excited, but feel it is somewhat anticlimactic. I mean a bunch of the people I really want to be there, can't come. Phillip just moved to San Diego. Andraea will be in Florida. Kristen has to work because she is taking the whole next week off for Christmas.

I also started back working at "The Secret" (Victoria's Secret to those in the know) this weekend and feel that it will be great motivation to get me out there looking for a real job. I don't want to be 4o and working in retail. I hate hearing peopel bitch about a job that isn't challenging at all. Its not like Brentwood people are unwilling to buy overpriced lingerie or bath products. I used to love this job last Christmas. What has changed? Not sure if it is me or the people. I want something where I have more to say then:

"Hello...Who are you shopping for today? well just to let you know about the deals going on in the garden today: everything on this wall is 3/$24 or 6/$30. You can mix and match any combination of products and scents. Also don't feel limited to 6 products, becuase if you go over 6, they are $5 a piece."

What do the Gideons know about life??

Today me and Ty were leaving the KUC after our Tuesday/Thursday girls lunch and there were the everpresent pentecostal/amish kids in their bonnets and dresses that makes them look like characters out of "American Girl" books. Anyway, they were all handing out these handouts condemning people to hell if they had premarital sex. I tell this story to raise 2 points>>>>

Point One- Why do people never hand me flyers in front of the KUC?? It seems I never get handed flyers or gideon bibles or anything unless I know the people (the students, not the gideons...I don't forsee myself having a lot in common with the gideons...unless its gideon yago. meow!!). Perhaps it is because my hands are generally full of shit while driving a motorized vehicle or maybe it is because they fear interaction. Most people would be glad to not have another piece of trash but I sometimes would love to be at least invited to the foam parties at the Drink or the trashy rap showcase. Either way, it is an issue.

Point Two- Why the hell are little kids preaching to me about premarital sex?? This really irks me. No one should be judging or condemning anyone much less these homely children in bonnets. I just hate when people teach their kids to hate. It is perhaps my number one pet peave. (after of course UGG boots and people who have shitty taste in music) It makes me glad that I have really open minded parents!! I just think when you are young it is easy to live in a bubble of ignorance but their parents have no excuse to be acting so, for lack of a better term, retarded.

La Vie Boheme Demonbreun Style

So its Thanksgiving weekend so I am spending it at my parents house, keeping in mind that this will be the last time I will come home as a visitor. The dreaded moving back in with the family is a month away and I am scared that it will be steps backward for ol' kimmie.

Anyway I had a great Thanksgiving with the family and then yesterday I spent the day with Kristen and Kelly. We went and saw RENT bc God knows I enjoy a good musical. My only issue was there was too much singing in it. There were moments where I was like "Shit!!! just talk already!!" because in conversation rhyming isn't always necessary (unless you are friends with someone that enjoys speaking only is like sounding words) and it makes speech a lot more natural. Song and dance numbers are appropriate at some junctures but when a movie is only 5% talking, I take issue. this is not to say that I didn't love it...don't get me wrong. Drag queens, artsy people and gay boys. it sounds right up my alley...right?? And it was!

Anyway then myself, kristen, my sister, ty, court, courts boyfriend and his friends, and my brother went to Demonbreun for the evening. Thus continuing our tradition of the night out the day after thanksgiving. I refer to it as "RANDOM NIGHT" Last year I saw about 40% of my hs graduationg class at 2 doors down, shared some forced hellos, and then had some random hot MExi make out with me as we were forcing our way to the back of the Tin Roof. This year, I ran into this guy from summer camp that I used to have a crush on when I was about 15. It cracks me up that you can be moderately obsessed with someone and then it comes a day, when they just are not on your mind anymore. I assume this day happened about 7 years ago bc when he said hi to me at Dan McGuiness last night, I had no idea who he was. Then as I was sitting at the table drinking my beer, scrolling through the list of people built like him with big noses (which I am still a fan of to this day) and it hit me!! It was Ben...holy freakin hell! Contrary to popular belief between 1999 and now, I have met a lot of people. I felt bad so we called him over and caught up...i reckon I should have gotten his number so we could catch up further, but it didn't happen. He said they were going to meet up with us at the Tin Roof but it never happened....sigh....

whats worse, it made me feel worse about not having any plans after graduation. His twin brother, whom I also had a crush on, was gonna be an architect in LA and he was a writer in Atlanta. I have decided the job search needs to start now....I mean after I finish this ever important blog that is.... I mean why can't I just be a hapless bohemian who can't pay the rent living in the east village? Oh yeah then according to the movie, I would have to have AIDS or have all my friends die of aids...no dice!

I would go black for KANYE!!!

So for some crazy reason, MTSU got Kanye West to come play at the Murphy Center. I know....bold choice right?? I didn't really want to pay $37 so I could look like a complete poser...I mean I know all the words to "Golddigger" (even though when I sing it, I say..."but I ain't messin with no broke tigger")and the beginnning of "through the wire" but who doesn't? But my lovely roomate, Angi, bought me a ticket for my birthday and we had a blast. I was also very impressed with Fantasia [TANGENT: I am an american idol nerd who obsesses over the episodes and is one of those people that hosts american idol night at the apartment so we can comment on Paulas coke habit and the ever pressence of chunky rings on male contestants] who sang a lot of covers, which was good news for me because I didn't know any of her songs. I am always a fan of cover songs for this reason. She did Dream On and Purple Rain. It was kick ass.

Then Kanye came out and I realized that I was in love with a black man...and his name was Kanye. [or as phillip calls him kayan and as MTSU calls him kayne.] he has all the qualities I am looking for: he detests BUSH, he is a snappy dresser, and he is kind of a smart ass. I found myself going buck, and I wasn't the only white girl doing so because, you see, Kanye unites the people.

ok...enough about that.. yesterday was my birthday. I started the day stressed as ever because I have my advertising plans book due monday. BUt I only turn 23 once, so I thought I would go out in style. We had a girls night of spaghetti factory and buffalo billiards. I didn't bring adequate clothes from Murf to Nash so i had to dress in full mary kate olson style and just pile on layers and hope for the best. [TANGENT: I had a really good time and love hanging out with my high school girls bc we know all the shit from the past, when we were pretty dorky and can respect where we are now. We also never seem to lose time which is nice. ] some highlights of the night included samantha finding hair in her sketti and having to stuff bread in her purse (which she later pulled out at buffalo billiards) so her intoxication would not be as severe; jessica and ty having a whose boobs are bigger contest (jess won); and assorted other hilarity that I didn't remmeber until I saw courtney's picture's online. I love my friends!!!

Wedding Bells I don't hear

Yesterday I went to Jenny's wedding reception and it was awesome...chocolate fountains, drunken uncles, and a white tent!! Although Phillip, my go to gay wedding date, and I had only one drink, we felt as if there were roofies involved because we made a quick exit to go dry heave outside. False vomit alarms aside, the whole theatrics of it all made me realize that I want a backyard wedding someday. My parents ought to start landscaping or move into a bigger house altogether because there will be no place for parking.

Anyway, my roomate went to a different wedding yesteray where the two parties hadn't been dating that long and had a very short enagement. They, like my roomate, are really religious and saving themselves for marriage. This begged the question for me, if you don't believe in premarital sex, do you have a shorter engagement...period of dating...etc? I believe there should be some sort of case study done. It seems like the Jesusy ones are always the ones hurrying into marriage. Maybe they are more certain of their decision or maybe they are just horny and ready to get some. Who is to say? It really made me wonder. She also told me about a friend who had his first kiss with his wife and assumably his first sexin on the same day...his wedding day. That, my friend...is TOO MUCH!! I mean it is incredibly romantic, but in my world, this would never happen. kissing is important and I just think a first kiss, a first wedding, and a first sexin (do you enjoy how I keep refering to it as sexin?) all in one day is a bit much. I am very perplexed by this!

All I know is that I am not even in the realm to think about marriage...there have been no applicants that are up to the challenge. The sound of wedding bells makes me frankly sick at the moment.

The Best Kind of Garbage

So last night I checked into a room at the luxurious Marriott on west end, watched some sex and the city, had electrodes placed all over my body and was videotaped while I slept. Kinky, eh? Actually I was having a sleep study done at the urging of my doctor. It was really cool and I got some much needed good news that makes me feel 99% less like an old man and will make my life 86% easier (all percentages are apporoximate).

So when I get back to my parents house at 7 am to take a much needed shower before i embark back to the boro, I catch something on TV that is perhaps the best bad movie that I have ever seen. As a lover of bad movies (CAMP, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Jack Frost...) I was excited to see on the digial cable "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie." Knowing that I am a fan of 80s nostalgia, it had potential. What I assumed would be a cartoon was instead a live action move...the potential for greatness grew. I thought instead of rambling off why the public should watch it, I would let someone else's opinion flow. The following is a review I found when I googled the film. By the end of this long rant, you will buy this film out of pure curiosity:


The movie stars Mackenzie Astin, whom you might remember as smarmy hipster Andy Moffett from The Facts of Life. Okay, no problems there - he was a fairly substantial star at the time, all things considered. Astin plays 'Dodger,' a crafty kid who's gotten himself into trouble with the town's local thugs. The thugs like to steal his lunch money and handcuff him to sewer pipes underground, so at least the flick makes no vague standings on who's good and who's evil. Dodger practically lives at the old antique shop belonging to his elder pal, Captain Mancini.

Mancini has a good heart, but suffers from a terminal depression over society's current trends and emphasis on physical beauty. I assume you can guess where this is headed.In the opening credits, we get to see the Garbage Pail Kids' space shuttle, not very surprisingly shaped like a garbage pail, crash-land on Earth. As it turns out, Captain Mancini got his hands on the pail, and it's now residing amongst the many knickknacks and Victorian door knobs in his antique shop. He warns Dodger never to open the pail, which might've been a demand of redundancy since the thing is just covered in disgusting toxic green sludge.

Things heat up when we meet Dodger's would-be love interest, Tangerine. Problem is, she's currently dating 'Juice,' the very same hoodlum who keeps beating up Dodger. Tangerine seems less than interested in the little kid's advances, but he refuses to give up since Tangy manages to take her shirt off no less than sixty times in the film's duration. As an added bonus, she wears the same dirty purple bra throughout the whole movie. Filthy skank. Just so we're clear, Tangerine's a bad girl who might end up being a good girl if she could stop doing such immoral, slutty things. Can Dodger sway her to the light?Not quite yet - Tangy's boyfriend and the film's other assorted goons come into the antique shop and mangle Dodger for the 27th time. They even lock him in the sewer again, but before a stream of liquid shit can smack our unlikely hero, a group of strange little creatures save the day! Dodger's not quite sure what to make of it all, but he certainly appreciates the sentiment. Let's meet the Garbage Pail Kids!

Okay, put yourself in a kid's shoes for a second. You're telling me you wouldn't find these guys just a wee bit frightening? When I saw it, I remember the feeling of dread when they first walked onscreen. I was worried about what I had gotten myself into - it was sort of like fighting for the last spare rib on Chinese Food Night, winning, and realizing that this particular spare rib was chosen last because it was full of those gross pork veins. All right, it's not at all like that. Either way, the GPKids scared the popcorn out of my lap. They all shared an innate, Chucky-like quality - but it's made worse by the fact that there's really people in those suits, allowing for much greater mobility and a far heavier amount of creepiness.Captain Mancini returns and explains that the world will never let the Garbage Pail Kids exist peacefully, and begs that they return to the pail. They refuse, so everyone makes the most of a bad situation by catching up on old times and throwing up all over the floor. Though gruff, Dodger sees the kids as a bunch of misunderstood friendly folks. That might be true, but it's not a reason for him to actually hang out with them. We get seven different kids based on some of the more popular cards - here's a closer look at some of the more notable ones.

Ali Gator is the surrogate leader of the pack, partly because he's got a cool haircut, but mostly because he's, you know, an alligator. Upon introduction, Ali immediately begins talking about his penchant for human toes. In fact, he pulls out a box and starts eating toes and eyeballs from it. For those keeping score, it was at this point that I made Mommy take me home. I don't think she was too disappointed.

Windy Winston is the second in command. You know, I've never really used the word on X-E as a matter of personal preference, but there's really no way to avoid it in this case. Winston farts. Farts farts farts, farts farts. That's all he does for the entire movie - farts left and right, up and down, loud and noxiously. It's not just implied, either - you get to hear 'em, and sometimes, you even get to see 'em by way of ridiculous special fogging effects placed in the general vicinity of Winston's scary black ass.

Next up, Valerie Vomit. Care to take a stab at her claim to fame? Yes, Valerie's super power is the ability to throw up on command. As a trading card, Valerie was easily one of the most putrid of all the Garbage Pail Kids - it depicted her cooking her vomit in a large saucepan as she was throwing it up. Yeah, that's what kids were into. Anytime someone talks about all the terrible things kids are growing up on these days, remind them of that. It could be much worse. Anyway, the live-action version of Valerie Vomit is somehow even uglier, looking like a mobile basketball star's bobblehead figure who just happens to upchuck at will. She doesn't do the deed till much later in the movie. I guess they wanted to provide a payoff scene to the three people who actually made it the whole way through.If you don't believe it could get any worse, here's a few more of the stars you're forced to watch for the next 90 minutes...

Messy Tessie, the girl who plays with her snot. And my, she's really got quite a stockpile of the stuff. Tessie uses her snot to perform various acts throughout the film, including fixing televisions and affixing plastic jewels to the clothes she makes. NOPE, NOT KIDDING. Tessie also has the nasty habit shaking her snot-covered hands with everyone she meets. I'm really surprised the director of this flick never got to thank the Academy.

Just in case you were still a little undecided on whether or not the people responsible for this movie should be castrated and lobotomized, here's Nat Nerd, a pimply faced wimp who responds to excitement and intrigue by pissing himself. According to the producers, this activity is made funnier by repeating it a hundred times at various interval. The oddest part? Nat is probably the least offensive of all the kids. That's right - acne-ridden Nat who urinates on the floor 100 times is the least disgusting Garbage Pail Kid.

Rounding out the cast was Greaser Greg, the GPKid from the 50s, and Foul Phil, a sweet little ugly baby troll with bad breath. I can't tell you how pleased I am by my decision to write about these guys for the next few hours.....

( I am gonna leave it there bc I want you all to go watch it now!!!!!!!!!!!)

Why does Tanya Tucker have her own show??

So today was homecoming... Me and Ty hit it up in pure style by being fashionably late...its not like i gave a shit who won queen or anything like that. I just wanted to see folks. I felt I should go since I its my last year and I haven't been to a game all year. I know I know...this is why MTSU is gonna lose the sunbelt conference...blah blah blah. But I have never gone to a game that we have won so I figure its in the teams best interest if I don't attend. And shocker...we lost. [TANGENT: I used to have a lot of school spirit in high school, I just think most of the school spirit at MT is set aside for those greek people who live for the football games and such. I mean I might but I get behind things I am passionate about like the art dept, my campaigns project, and the lit mag....does that make me a dork?? ok it does....so be it!!]

anyway...I had to come home and work on my paper on how Meet Me in St. Louis deals with or doesn't deal with WWII... [gotta love film classes!!] Anyway, I got distracted by the Tanya Tucker reality show. OK I GOTTA SPILL SOME BEANS... she is not this awesome single mother that they are trying to paint her as. she acts as though she could get a nobel prize [or its parenting equivalent] because she didn't send her kids to boarding school. Tanya's mother used to leave 2 blocks away from me and I used to trick or treat at her house and see the kids playing around there all the time. Her kids were always there with the grandma. The word around Brenthaven was that she was pretty much out of the picture and the grandma was raising the kids. I mean this could be hearsay, but that still doesn't explain why she has a reality show. hell I should have a show. My life is way more interesting than this garbage. I just like it because I am a damn voyeur and it takes place in Nashville. God forbid they make a Real World Nashville so for now this will have to suffice.

There is so much Left to see!!!



http://www.world66.com/myworld66/visitedStates/statemap?visited=ALCAGAHIILKSKYMIMONCOHPASCTNVAWV">
> your own visited states map or check out these Google Hacks.

"Who is Jackie Onassis and what club am I a member of??"

Last saturday night me and phillip were enjoying good karma by seeing "In her Shoes" [seriously one of the best movies of have seen in a while...very steel magnolias-esque] even though it was sold out due to a rare good natured ticket booth attendant!! The only downfall is we had to lodge ourselves in between some bonne bell hoarding teenie boppers. Anyway...not to ruin anything, but there is this one scene where the following dialougue is exchanged:

Cameron Diaz: "so do you feel like Jackie Kennedy?"

Old Lady: "No better, Jackie Onassis." (insert audience laughter and tears)

Anyway-at this point the girl next to me was like, "who is jackie onassis?" This is the point where I had a "what the hell?" moment. The bad part was there was no one to tell her because her friend was too busy picking the sour patch kids out of her braces.

A similar "what the hell moment?" was encountered when I was hanging out with my new roomate Kristin the other day. [TANGENT: She is emo, and is teaching me what that means exactly. ex: it is very emo to write on your appendages and take rockstar pics and post them on myspace. Thanks to my awesome new barely legal roomie, the new Deathcab for Cutie cd is in heavy rotation between my Jack Johnson/Guster mix and my Jagged Little Pill cd which I am rediscovering] Anyway, she was wearing a member's only jacket and when I pointed it out, she was like, "a what? I don't know... oh I got it at goodwill." I felt 99 years old suddenly. Thats what I get.

Anyway...I have not been bloggy lately due to my sudden realization that I AM GRADUATING IN A MONTH AND A HALF!!! I lost about 4 nights of sleep last week and thanks to my hormones, cried everyday. I am not like that...I am not a basketcase and I felt like I had stepped outside myself and was looking at someone who I usually try to console. Now I was turning to others for this kind of consolation. It was surreal. For this reason I spent my fall break weekend leaving responsibilities far behind, sleeping, and having several movie marathons...one of which was seeing "In her Shoes" for the second time. This time I sat next to my sister, who of course knew who Jackie O was....she has a poster of her above her couch...she better.

I am certainly uncertain

Well if I was in your position
Id put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
and If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do- jack johnson (a wise man)

sometimes I just wish that I had this great big remote that I could use to fast forward and see where I end up. As much as I love to say I like surprises, a part of me will always be that little girl with the big blue eyes who likes to sneak into her mom's closet (not the smartest hiding spot) weeks before christmas to see what I will get...whether it be a pound puppy or an ugly sweater with button embelishment, I am and always will be a present shaker. It takes part of the fun out, but then I can never be disappointed because I will have expected and plan what was to be. Sometimes even with this expectation time allotted to myself, I am still left empty handed and with more questions than I started with. Its 74 days and counting till I graduate and a part of me is scared shitless. Right when I start to feel secure, things are swept away. I am all for keeping those around me on their toes, but I am not much of a toe stander...never was much of a ballerina.

On a very different note...aside from all the above random passages...I got to hang out with my two main gays, john and phillip for a little while the other day, which hasn't happened in a long time. I love them more than most people....perhaps because they feel my pain on being a minority and are two of the most sincere people you will ever meet. I also am a fan of the honesty and they are not afraid to share....I am still getting used to " full on gay mode johnny who will dance inappropriately close to me in his square cut man panties" because when I first met him he was still "effeminate johnny who would admit to the day he died that he loved the poon" They entertained me for a while with their tales of the gay scene. Sometimes I am SO glad that I am not gay! Not because I think its reprehensible or heathenistic or anything else that the bible belt has tried to cinch into my brain...but rather relationships are difficult enough...if i had to date a chick...I would have blown my brain out by now....Kudos to those that are willing to sleep with their own kind (even though john says he is a virgin....psshhttt. liar) and not he ashamed!! Kudos because at least they are happy!

"Cause losin everything is like YOUR SON going down on me!!!"

So last night I took my mom and sister to the Elton John concert at Gaylord....I was definitely in the minority being that I am not a crazy middle aged woman or a gay man. There were also sparce other minorities like young couples and children, who knew that ol' EJ was big with the youngsters?....maybe it was the lion king crowd. Because I was not willing to pay $85 a ticket, we were stuck in the cheap seats, which were actually not too bad except like at all concerts we had to sit by the two biggest douchebags in the whole concert [TANGENT: why does this always happen? It seems no matter how many concerts I go to I always end up sitting by some annoying individuals. It was like when we saw Counting Crowes and John Mayer in Kansas City and that drunken woman tried to slow dance with me to "your body is a wonderland"...later redeeming herself by giving me her beer...which I threw up later.] It seems we also got to see some good cheap seats action like a brawl in the section next to us which led to beer being poured all over the row down from us and an irate usher having to lay down the law. Also there was a mulleted couple who seemed to explode if Elton did not do a second encore. Thank God he did, otherwise it could have gotten messy. The following is a synopsis of the concert:

So we arrived late to the concert because traffic was a bitch on broadway but got there and only missed a couple songs...."goodbye yellow brick road" and some new song which I could hear while we were searching for our seats [TANGENT: in the elevator, some nice old black man offered me back stage access but the smell of alchohol on his breath and the absense of teeth in his mouth told me he was not "in with elton" I have also learned from the barenaked ladies debacle of 99 that its not so easy to get backstage] I at first was getting disappointed because I didn't know any of the songs he was singing...I am the kind of fan that likes to sing a long. Oh! I almost forgot to explain Elton's outfit, It was a pink tunic/dress of sorts over black pants and a black tux jacket with tails that had white spots strewn all over that resembled pigeon shit. [TANGENT: I swear Elton John could come out in crotchless panties and a dead seagull on his head and everyone would be like : "oh elton, you are incorrigible!"] but eventually the "bitch was back" [pun intended] and he started songs that I could get behind...daniel... leavon...tiny dancer (which now serves as my default cell phone ring). However, during a freakishly good tribute to Ray Charles, one of the tools next to us started asking if Jaimie Fox was going to join him onstage. I just had to shake my head...you only get that in the cheap seats.

Everyone read Phillip's blog. It is hilarious and the first post is dedicated to me...extra incentive. http://www.stainsonmytshirt.blogspot.com I am sitting in the library laughing my ass off...it is that humorous.

Vince Vaughn VS. Elton John

so the other day I had my second dream about my oww so sexy celebrity crush, the swashbuckling (Huh?) Vince Vaughn...really I think my infatuation is getting out of control. We were making out in a closet (last time it was in a car) and I was working at a hospital. I realize it sounds like skinamax late night soft core but it wasn't...scouts honor (not that I ever was a scout...wasn't much of a camper). I am quite saddened that I can't go see his comedy show at the Ryman friday. Of course it had to be the same night as Elton John!! DAMMIT! Damn my love of middle aged woman/gay man music!! It always gets in my way! HuH???

Sorry I think the closely spaced overdoses of Ibuprofin are hindering my ability to think free of tangents. I suddenly realize what turrets must feel like (cock *twitch* shit balls). I really was quite tormented about the choice of Sept 30th activity but I had already gotten my mom and sister all prepped to go to EJ (thats Elton John for those in the know). Anyway, the reason I am highly medicated with over the counter drugs is because I fell on sunday night and hurt my cocyx (tailbone) something wicked. At first it felt just slightly sore...but now it feels like I got spanked by a cinder block. OUCH!! And the weird thing is there is no bruise, and I bruise like a peach (that just sounded incredibly southern of me...I don't say things southern bellish often so relish it)!!! So me thinks something is awry with my ass and my cocyx may be broken. I shall find out friday...for now I just have a pain in the ass!!

Well for now I just have to take a few more ibuprofin so I can go out to campus pub with the ladies (Jess and Ty) and numb my pain with alchohol.

I admit, I have been cheating...

Ok now that I have your attention. I have been cheating...with MySpace. After being repeatedly told that I should get an account, I gave in and it is crazy addictive. I spent all afternoon yesterday making it pretty [Hold on..my contact is aching...I must go remove it!!] Ok I am back. I have been watching Extreme Makeover home edition and thinking to myself "where do they find all these attractive blue collar workers?" I have never had a maintenence man come over that looked like Carter Osterhouse or Andrew Lloyd Jumbo (the fact that there names are second nature proves that I watch too much TV.) That is all...I must get back to doing all the work I have let pile while I tweaked my myspace (check it out at www.myspace.com/kimmiespace ) I will hold faithful this blog because otherwise, what kind of girl would I be?

LOST LOST LOST

I just got done finished watching LOST....and my upcoming rant about it is gonna really prove how dorky Kimmie really is (so dorky that she sometimes talks in third person) I am such a fan...but no one else watches it hardcore (except my sister in chatt) so I sit there screaming at the tv or yelling "what the fuck??" to myself and looking around to see the disbelief that is not shared around me (which happens an average of 10x per episode. ) Well today there was a man in the hatch...i thought it was a flashback for the first 5 minutes but there is some elaborate hatch under the island and there is this guy just making smoothies and listening to really terrible music. he also was sleeping on bunk beds so I am guessing he is not alone down there (way to use context clues kimmie!! I know I am quite observant!). I also am thinking Locke is up to his same ole shit given he was in a wheelchair pre-crash (which begs the question, If I were in a crash, would I be able to walk?) and now is walking around killing boar and being weird (TANGENT: and why does he have a crazy scar over his eye ...he reminds me of uncle scar from The Lion King...as if its some rule that villians must have eye scars!!) My theory is that he caused the plane crash given that he was all about playing RISK and weird survival excursions in the flash backs (he was also all about falling in love with his phone sex operator...which I am trying to ignore!!). Anyway, enough of my ranting...I think I have come off sufficiently dorky so now I will show why I am sufficiently pathetic.

Today I had my first day of "Aquatic Therapy" at the rec center. I was really scared bc my breathing is sub par and I am grossly out of shape. I also was nervous because I used to swim twice a week in high school and middle school (like not just doggypaddling...like I could tread for 8 minutes and swim laps and all that stuff) and now I have to wear a life vest and it frustrates the ever loving hell out of me. I also had a mild panic attack when I got in (I am not sure why..I am not that kind of girl!) because the jog belt and the unexpected water pressure on my chest was freaking the hell out of me. I was feeling good before i got in bc I had kicked ass on the pretests (the hand bike and the hand strength monitor) but I just couldn't hack it in the water. And all the other disabled people were like friggin greg luganis and I am all clinging to the rails while the super attractive volunteer just watched me (I felt super gimpy all of a sudden)... I just felt super defeated considering I used to be so good at this. If I always sucked...that would be something altogether different..but to know success and then to be denied it is a hard thing...especially when it is completely beyond your control.

Today I was behind someone on the sidewalk for a couple blocks so I got bored and started reading her T-shirt...turns out it had my friend Will's name on it so I kept reading and it said "The Matt LeBlanc School of Music." I couldn't decide if it was one of those jokey Hot Topic shirts that I just wasn't getting or if Matt LeBlanc really did open a school of music. I am still slightly befuddled by this.

I spent the majority of the morning being jerked around by the lovely staff at Student Health (NO I DID NOT HAVE A UNEXPLAINABLE RASH DOWN SOUTH OR NEED A BROCHURE ON CONTRACEPTIVES). I actually needed a physical so I can start water aerobics tomorrow. I showed up at about 12:00 and they took me back and started taking vitals and then said, "you need an appointment, can you come back later." So even though they weren't doing anything but discussing the hurricane in New Orleans (apparently still water cooler fodder, as it should be) I had to come back 45 minutes later. I then came back and waited inside my room learning valuable lessons from the outdated posters on the walls like:

• You cannot catch AIDS from a handshake or a doorknob.
• "The only way to have safe sex is to have it within a faithful married relationship"- perhaps the wordiest abstinence slogan ever
• How the pancreas looks and where it is located
• 1o reasons to say no to smoking ("You don't have to smell like an ashtray!")

so anyway $10 and about 45 minutes later, I got the signature I desired and learned nothing new about my health status. Thank You MTSU student Health!!

Dream a little dream of me....

i hate when you finally think you have stopped thinking or dwelling about someone or something and athen you have a dream about it. Its as if god is doing it to test you..as if you are being poked by some big fire poker thing (I am sure they have a proper name) that is telling you to remember this and let it simmer in your subconscious for a little longer...whether it is positive, negative,or seemingly inconsequential. There is a reason you can't forget it, even if the reason is to be determined. Why is it some things I can forget so easily like phone numbers or the start times for my classes, but I can't forget others. I think I am being vague enough...aren't I?

All these forboding dreams are leaving me emotionally unstable. I went to see Just like Heaven with my mom yesterday (TANGENT: I thought this movie would be just like City of Angels but had a nice twist that will make anyone second guess a living will. ) and almost cried twice during previews...I mean what the Hell??!? And it wasn't like it was for movies like Million Dollar Baby or Stepmom or some movie worthy of tears. I cried during the PREVIEWS (put in all caps to stress that I didn't even see these movies but rather got so emotionally attached that I was nearly brought to tears during a 2 minute trailer) for Walk the Line (the Johnny cash biopic...I mean I do love Johnnny Cash but not to the degree of crying) and some awful horse movie with Dakota Fanning (and as Phillip would attest, beacause he is still mad at me for refusing to see Hidalgo, I hate horse movies!!!) Something must be going on with me...I just don't know what it is yet!!

Well I am off to go eat chinese food and watch the emmys while I attempt to get work done.

Its raining boredom and body dismorphic disorder

I just came home from eating steak at outback followed by a delicious 59 cent vanilla cone from McDonalds (those things are sometimes better than the $6 dishes at coldstone or Marble Slab). It was a last minute outting with John. I haven't seen him in ages and its hard to go from seeing someone daily to only once in a while. He was the first person I met at MTSU bc he was my Ra and checked me into my apt. It had been awhile since someone had called me 'shannon.' [TANGENT: Shannon was another smaller brunette girl in a chair who wore lisa loebish glasses sometimes....anyway the similarities ended there bc she was a really good singer and did so in many campus musicals. She played the matchmaker in Fiddler on the Roof and for a solid 6 months afterward people were telling ME how great I was in the musical. Little do they know that one of my vocal cords is paralyzed and I can't sing for shit. anyway John thought all this was quite amusing so to perpetuate this comfusion, he called me shannon loudly, usually when a crowd was present and still does to this day!] I miss my johnny!

I was hoping to get a tan and read my new book that is written from an autistic boy's perspective about the murder of a neighbor's pooodle (ITS A COMEDY!!) , BUT it started to rain so I had to lay in bed instead and listen to the rain...i love laying in bed when its raining! But because it rained, I still lack sun and feel pale. I am vehemently against tanning beds bc I think they are like a gateway drug to other things that I stand against like louie vuitton purses and ugg boots! I guess I will just have to stick to my Jergens natural glow lotion which is doing nothing but tinging my bra a lovely shade of orange, but psychologically it is doing wonders. I only wish I was had all the puerto rican-ness like my sister (not that we have any hispanics in our gene pool.) but she for some reason looks samoan/Indian/south american/ethnically ambiguous while I look like a pasty mess!

Contrary to the above sentence, I have really high self esteem (probobly too much) so I am always baffled by people that have none. Like yesterday on Oprah (yes it always comes back to Oprah) there were these people who had body dismorphic disorder which makes them addicted to plastic surgery to the point where they look like a Bratz doll [TANGENT: what happened to good old barbies, why are all dolls horriby slutty nowadays..they all have ho eyeliner and overlined lips and come with accessories liek fuck me boots and mini skirts (and as an former avid barbie enthusiast, most of them are panty-less!)] anyway this one girl had not had any surgery and was really pretty, looked kind of like Eva Longoria, and she said that she felt so hideous that she had to have the mirrors removed in her house! Maybe it is this fear of body dismorphic disroder that causes me to steer away from some things that seem vain like fake and bakes and name brands...or maybe its cause I have no money. jury is still out...

My Sweet Home Alabama Weekend...and then some

Here are some things that I recently discovered annoy the shit out of me:

1. laugh clappers (people who laugh so hard that they feel moved to clap even at dumb things....these people seem to love to sit next to me in class and at movies)
2. people who wear playboy bunny accessories and/or t-shirts (this rivals my annoyance of things with dragons and/or flames on them)
3. people who do "Poor" napoleon dynamite impressions. (I love that film dearly but why does everyone think they can quote it...the impression usually just sounds like an athsmatic who hasn't hit the inhaler today!)

well today has been pretty boring although I did get behind a hot scotsman in the line at Quiznos. He had a very William Wallace Braveheart accent so I kept asking him questions like, "what are you gonna get?" or "boy this line is long." I basically just wanted to hear him talk. I am such a dumb southerner but it did entertain me while I waited forever in line. I wondered what the hell someone from Scotland would be doing in Murfreesboro. That just seems like the biggest downgrade. I have never been there, much less out of the country, so I can't say I know what its like there but I imagine bagpipes and kilts and hills and for some reason billy goats are present (I am not sure why....maybe something was amiss in my early education). To go from that to a place famous for the world's largest oak bucket and for having the most restaurants per capita than anyplace in Tennessee (an assett I address often) seems mildly depressing. I guess it could be more surreal....which brings me to my weekend....

Saturday Phillip and I went on a road trip to Pisgah, Alabama pop. roughly 3 (named apparently after a Mt Pisgah in the Bible...not that I would know) to attend his 5 year High SChool reunion. He didn't want to go by himself and he lured me into the scenario with promises of a visit to the famous UNclaimed Baggage store in neighboring Scottsboro (TANGENT: the unclaimed Baggage store was once featured on Oprah...which is really all it takes to make something exciting to me. ALthough I am pretty sure it was one of those episodes where Oprah tries to act like the "common people" by shopping at Costco and stuff like that..) If I did not go, what kind of friend would I be? Plus I knew that he was stressed bc some of these folks had once teased him for his newfound homosexuality and I thought he might not go if someone didn't go with him. I also thought it a great opportunity to have a fake identity (YAY!!)

It was a surreal trip to say the least. I should have known things were going awry when we heard 4 non blondes' "WHats up?" on the radio more than once. It was as if we were transgressing back in time as we drove the two hours south. There was one errand Phillip had neglected to tell me about. Apparently we had to go do the mandatory "post breakup giving back of the stuff" with his ex fred. when we pull up to his property, fred rushes out in full redneck mode (sleeveless t-shirt, ciggerette, pickup) and pulls aside us cussing. I swear he was prepared to throw down and I am thinking "CHrist, I am about to see a full on gay fight and be left for dead in BFE!!!!" luckily we averted catastrophe by Phillip throwing the box in his truck bed and getting back in our getaway car telling him that I had to pee, so we had to go. MY BLADDER TO THE RESCUE!! we then hit up his granny's house where I realized all small town grandmas (like my granny) must shop exclusively at church bazarres where they buy "tater bins" and other handicrafts). I love that!!

After finding nothing at the Unclaimed Baggage Mart (apparently Oprah had bought everything...bc I was left with only A heap of Aaron Cater Cds and a wall of straw hats to choose from) we went to the reunion which was held at a barbecue restaurant. We soon realized that out of a class of about 100, only 5 were there single (we will count Phillip as single even though he brought me...I refused to be considered his date! even though one woman asked if I was his wife which made me crack up hysterically ) and most of the others were married or had a baby with them. There was also another gay there named Billy Ray (yes i know...it was just like sweet home alabama.) The funny thing is Phillip said the gay Billy Ray used to call him "Fag" in high school....OH THE IRONY!! There were also zero black people. I though brentwood had little diversity...I was wrong! It made me feel like there 23 is a lot different there than it is here! For once I was really glad to be living in Murfreesboro. They almost seemed to look at us as if we were high society (which is weird...bc my whole life I have looked at everyone else that way) and I understand where he gets his drive to see things. He wants to see everything....like going to teach in Japan next year or like how he wanted to see Mardi Gras so bad that he went alone bc everyone else had a hellish week that week. Good thing he did....bc pretty sure it will be the last one for a while....

Opinions Opinions Opinions

I love opionions. I read my friend Courtney's blog today and it was pretty much the antithesis of mine, but I love it. Anyone that has an opinion is cool in my book...even if their opinion is that opinions are stupid. At least that proves conviction...and god knows I have too much of that. for example, I will never work as a wal-mart greeter or a ticket taker at the movies, I won't wear pink and red together. I won't date a boy that drives a hummer (bc I think they are cheesy). That being said, I can never do these things. My biggest fear is being a hypocrit.

I have been looking over the guys that I have been interested in the the past, and I am coming to the conclusion that a good 1/3 of them were borderline gay. At least 2 are actually gay. One is now a glam rocker (I must say that crush was like a good 7 years ago) which means he sports eyeliner which at least raises some sort of red flag. [TANGENT speaking of eyeliner, what is going on with GREEN DAY? I used to love them when I was in like middle school when they had their dukie album. Now they are wearing platform shoes and look like all that other good charlottey mess thats out there. I definitely prefer the grungy stripes with plaid green day vs the new smokey eye green day.] I really would love a "not gay" boy to take some sort of interest in me....and not even in a novelty sort of way....like they usually do. But that being said they must be understanding that I do have a flock of gays in my managerie and there in lies the problem. All I ask is that they tell dirty jokes and don't mind that I do...and that they also must not have seen "To wong foo...thanks for everything Julie Newmar."

So I am an insensitive bitch

I understand after reading my last posts that I was insensitive due to sheer ignorance. Since then, I have begun to wrap my brain around the enormity of the hurricane. Until last tuesday night/early wednesday when I stayed up till 6 am watching CNN (aren't I a party gal?) I had thought when they refered to the SUPERDOME, they were making up some contrived media nickname for the storms epicenter. I am usually not this socially unaware I promise... Apparently I was not so insensitive bc a girl in one of my classes was "really worried about all the antiques that were destroyed." I thought that to be a random thing to worry about when parts are of our country are in third world status.

I feel awful and it makes me angry...I don't want to be cliche and be angry at Bush, but he is awful. I honestly don't think it was blatant racism though, It was just his own sheer ignorance that caused him to fuck around while people died. He probobly, like myself didn't want to believe how bad things were. The difference is I am a student majoring in advertising, something that might change someone's purchasing habits, not their lives. I think he just is in over his head....and frankly I feel bad for him and his retarded self. When Oprah and Harry Connick Jr can bust in there and help people, why can't he. Even Angi is gung ho mad at him right now. She who sleeps watches fox news exclusively while sporting a Bush/Chaney shirt (not in an ironic way like I would) and tries to fight with my dad on politics (which is always a losing battle bc my dad watches CNN like it is an iron lung or something fueling his raging democracy) I try not to be a crazy bush basher bc frankly I am the spawn of one...but GW makes me ill right now!

Speaking of democrats, during breaks at the telethon, the Jones girls made a cameo at the first annual Williamson County Democrat celebration of Labor picnic. we thought of possible questions that might get people talking and riled up...bc I love riled up democrats (maybe because I play one from time to time). My top pic was, "Has anyone purchased the new Toby Keith album...I hear its great!" My sister opted for, "You know what I can't stand? Gay People!" (Gay people can be interchanged with the environment, black people, and poor people.) Although we never used these, we did think it would be fun to bust them out. Another great thing was the theme music. Every song that was played at the picnic had to do with labor or working...hence labor day. Anyway- when my family pulled up "She works hard for the money" was playing. Apparently the music committee was not aware that it is a song about prostitution...I guess thats labor.

I had to write a bio....and look how it makes me look like such a self rightious bitch!

MTSU Senior Kimberly Jones, a native of Brentwood Tenn., is the recipient of the Muscular Dystrophy Association's (MDA) Personal Achievement Award. As a constant fixture at MDA fundraising events, summer camps as well as the Labor Day telethon, this Advertising Major with a double minor in art and English prides herself for putting a face behind the disease. She has used her experience in Philanthropy when working as Vice President of Lambda Sigma Honor Society and as a volunteer at Southern Hills Medical Center. In summer of 2005, Jones worked as an intern at Tennessee’s largest PR firm McNeely Pigott & Fox and gained considerable experience working on PR campaigns for big name companies and non profits. A supporter of all things creative, Jones has served as contributing staff and later Visual Arts Editor of MTSU’s literary Magazine, Collage. Her artwork is displayed in The Center for Independent Living, and her photography is being published in an upcoming issue of Breaking Ground. In 2003, these accomplishments landed her on the list of Who’s Who in American Colleges and Universities. Jones is the daughter of Jim and Carol Jones of Brentwood.

Hurricanes and Showtunes

Apparently there was a really big storm last night, this bitch named Katrina, and I slept right through it. I also slept right through 3 hours of storm coverage on the news tonight. [TANGENT:It gave me really messed up dreams that I was seeking shelter in a flea market that only sold Disney memorabilia...and I hid in this boiler room. Analyze that, Psych majors!! It inevitably has something to do with sex.] I am really blase about natural disasters, which I know is morally reprehensible of me, but I have never known anyone to die in one or be in one that caused thaere live to be horribly impacted. It is all kind of like a weird TV show to me. Sometimes the fact and the fiction is so blurred. It shouldn't be...I have lived through tornados before. I have watched the '97 Nashville tornado from my friends porch, the sky turning black, etc. I have driven through my neighborhood after the Christmas Eve tornado of 1988 seeing roofless houses and furniture strewn all over lawns. Still...I am not as emotional as I probobly should be....I am passive aggressive so I can't promise that I won't get pissed at natural disasters some day when I overdraft my bank account or run out of cokes.

On a completely different note, I have attended all my classes at least once, and the majority of them are complete bullshit, but it is the bullshit I have saved for my last semester. One of them being led by a nice Indian man named Raj who took his duty as a Computer Information Systems 101 teacher to discuss how we must live each day for the lord. I do however love my Movie Muicals class. I doubted the kind of people that would take this class...I was wagering 80% girl, 20% gay...give or take, but I was pleasantly surprised by the large quantity of seemingly hetero guys in the class. But being due to my high number of gay friends, I am a gay expert, or gayspert, as I like to call myself, I think I have come to some surprising conclusions:

1. No wonder Judy Garland(pictured above) is a gay icon- she looks kind of like a transie (she also looks a bit like Elizabeth Perkins from BIG and The Flintstones.) with a little less testosterone.
2. I also think Frank Sinatra is at least Bi. Blasphemy I know, but Hear me out. Previously the picture that sprang to mind was the mug shot that adorns far too many frat boy walls, you know ole womanizing Rat Packy Frank (below), BUT he did prance around New York with a trio of men in sailor suits singing about the hot tourist destinations and saying something like "girls in Manhatten wear Silk and wear satin"...who is he a Sex and the City stylist. (below)Just see him in "on the town" and get back to me.

I am officially old

As I move into the same apartment for the 5th time I am realizing that I am officially old. I came to this epiphone while watching the MTV Video music awards. [TANGENT: I always watch these shows the first night they are on...even though deep down I know they will be rerun and rerun tomorrow and the next day and the next. and I know I will not be able to fight the temptation to watch it at least 2 more times on the off chance that I missed something during the bathroom break.) I am getting to where I could care less about the winners and losers..Its not like I own an Ashlee Simpson or a 50 cent cd. With the exception of the killers, the people I listen to don't even make videos. If Elton John and Journey were in the running then maybe I would be more excited.

I long for the days when popular music was the soundtrack to my life. I rarely listen to the radio anymore and kind of miss that. I remember when The Freshman by the Verve came out and I was a Freshman in highschool. I now realize that the song is either about abortion or a coke addiction and death, but me and my ignorant friends would have sworn it was about our class back in 1997. I remember when Alanis Morrissette had her Jagged Little Pill heyday...Kristen, Emily Kenyon and myself would pass notes in the back of Dudley Davis' Tennessee History to discuss her lyrics ["were you thinking of me when you fuck her?" really spoke to me as a 7th grade girl who had never kissed a boy and still regularly shopped at Sanrio Suprises.] and the excitement we felt when we discovered the secret song at the end of the album or the jealousy I felt when Kristen got to go to the concert. I long for that. I definitely used to be one of those girls who watched TRL after school and loved N*Sync in their early Justin Timberlake bleached out phase, but to keep my cred called them a "cheesy boyband." I miss that passion that I shared with every other girl my age. Although I am all for branching out and try Indie stuff or older stuff, I miss that sense of community...and the fact that I am longing for "the old days" is making me feel even older.

I am also feeling old because it is going on my 5th year of college and as much as I love it, I am ready to go. After getting a taste of the real world this summer, I am ready. I know come December that tune might be changing, for now its consistent. I guess I better go get stuff ready for my 9th semester of MTSU courses!! have i mentioned that I feel old?

More Anti-boy Propaganda

Today I was laying in bed trying to take a nap, flipping between one of my guiltiest pleasures, My Super Sweet 16, and some countdown show on VH1 with the word Awesomely in the title, and I came upon Oprah and was sucked in as I usually am. The guest was the guy that wrote that book "He's just not THAT into you." I am always tempted to read this book, but everyone I know that has given in and bought it feels empty. The idea is that women put up with too much bullshit in relationships(which is a good message). One of the main points is never go back to a man that has ever rejected you. I think the effect of the book is supposed to make women feel like they deserve better than what they have, but I think in turn it leads them to be neurotic messes that think that if a guy doesn't ask them to move in after a year, then they are "Just not that into them!" I was soon sucked into the program and was wishing that I had never started watching. Soon Oprah had all the studio audience shouting at these poor women "He's just not THAT into you!" after they had bore their souls about there man troubles. True- some of these women did need to get out of their relationships but some just seemed like they were friends with benefits that suddenly wanted more...not that this is so wrong, but I felt they should really talk to their men before taking it on national tv. Another problem is the guy that wrote the book. Pretty sure he had a hairstyle that was on the verge of a flat-top mullet complete with golden highlights. He seemed like one of those guys that owned one or more clothing item embroidered with flames and/or dragons. He also called almost every Oprah guest a "Fox" which seemed kind of an odd way to sell himself as a credible expert. He was married however, maybe he's just not that into her. Soon fate intervened and I fell asleep.

When I woke up I decided to complete the evening of man bashing and catch some on demand episodes of Sex and the City. This was a mistake because I learned that my new haircut, with which I am still in phase 1:the unsure stage, is strikingly similar to Miranda Season 1,!!! [TANGENT: I have gotten very weird compliments on it. No one really says it looks good...or sexy.. instead of have gotten "Mature" which is not what I was going for but I will take it!] This is not good news considering I was wanted more Maggie Gyllenthal (see picture at right!) Nobody wants to be Miranda. I had always seen myself as more of a Carrie/Charlotte mix. Dammitt!! I always get stuck with the asexual one!!! At least this time my hair style looks like a girl. In the past I have tried to make it look like Ashley Judd and it turned out like The lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls. I have also rocked the "Micheal Jackson" and the "Matt from Seventh Heaven" in recent years.

Little green houses for you and me!

So I went to the ever picturesque town of Chattanooga this weekend to see my sister and Kristen's adorable little green house they just moved into. It was much nicer then I imagined and random sidenote: the water pressure in the shower and sink is amazing!!! I like it because it is a house from the 3os so it has all the cute architectural features, but it isn't nasty or gross!! We went on lots of gril bonding outtings bc it was me, Kelly, and Mom. We did what my mom refers to as "crazy partying" which is basically having a couple drinks at a restaurant.

Yesterday I went to Philllips for an evening of healthy spagetti and Sin CIty with Laurel. yes it sounds lame, but it was actually it was really fun. Sin City was f#@ked up but really good! I love a film where every one is killed my getting hit in the nuts or getting their nuts chopped off altogether; whether the weapon of choice be a schwastika shaped throwing star or a knife!!! I was also really distracted bc Elijah Wood played like a prostitute slayer and Rory from Gilmore Girls was a whore with a heart of gold. Screw versatility as an actor--I hate it when the people I grow to love play trashballs!! we also watched Laguna and my super sweet 16 before Sin City because Laurel had never seen either, so we had to have an intervention and open her eyes to the glory of rich teen angst! We also realized midway through the evening that Phillip's apt was making us all sick. Apparently mildew is growing in his airducts and all over his bathroom(pictured at right) bc his neighbors bathroom flooded about a month ago. It was really gross!! We left with runny noses and bloodshot eyes.

THANKS BEN FOLDS For My New Anthem!!

Smile
Like you've got nothing to prove
No matter what you might do
There's always someone out there cooler than you
I know that's hard to believeBut there are people you meet
They're into something that is too big to be

Expressed
Through their clothes
And they'll put up with all the poses you'll throw
And you won'tEven knowthat they're not sizing you up
They know your mom fucked you up
Or maybe let you watch too much TV
But they'll still look in your eyesTo find the human inside

You know there's always something in there to see
BeneathThe veneer
Not everybody made the list this year
Have a beer

Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
But there's always someone cooler than you

Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be here for long
Oh, there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, there's always someone cooler than you

Now that I've got the disease
In a way I'm relieved
'Cause I don't have to stress about it like you do
I might just get up and dance
Or buy some acid-wash pants
When you don't care then you got nothing to lose

And I won'tHesitate
'Cause every moment life is slipping away
It's okMake me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
But there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be it for long

Oh, there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, there's always someone cooler than you
Oh, there's always someone cooler than...

Life is wonderfulLife is beautiful
We're all children of
One big universe
So you don't have to be a chump
And you know (you know)
That I won't (I won't)
Hesitate (hesitate)
'Cause every moment life is slipping away (away)
It's ok (it's ok)

Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
Oh, 'cause there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be it for long
But there's always someone cooler than you
Oh yeah, there's always someone cooler than you
Because there's always someone cooler than you

Cooler than you (boy)
Cooler than you (girl)
Cooler than you (sir)
Cooler than you (my lady)

OhNerds go wildYeah Yeah

"I Don't Love you...I L-U-V you!!"- Laguna Beach's Talon

So I have been watching a lot of MTV reality TV since I have finished my internship. NO matter how hard I have tried to resist. I LOVE LAGUNA BEACH!! I know this show is about as fake as Love is in the Heir (I think I was the only human to watch that) but it pulls me in. It also makes me feel like I missed out on a lot in high school! I think I should have gone to Laguna, then maybe I could date a boy with a cool name...like Dieter or Talon!! (Oh wait, I was really unattractive for most of high school, so thats a negative.) In a way it reminds me of the kids I went to Brentwood with, except less eyeliner and there was definitely no one as hot as Jason at my school. (ok I realize that he is roughly 17 and I am nearly 23, but there is no denying that he is very easy on the eyes...points deducted for his huge bling blingin diamonds. Apparently huge diamond earrings are popular for boys in Laguna. hopefully that trend never reaches middle Tennessee) I think I am always drawn to shows where there are people with ungodly amounts of money and as a result act like spoiled dumbasses(Celebrity Cattle Drive, My Super Sweet 16, the OC, 90210, etc.) I blame it on being raised among wealthy people. (TANGENT: I respect people that have a lot of money, but don't flaunt it. example: my friend Jessica has an elevator in her house and fountains and shit in her pool. If I had this I think I would brag about it constantly. Hence why fate has NOT given me lots of money.She however is really cool about it because her parents have raised her properly;She has always had a job and is not above buying wine by the jug. MAD PROPS TO HER!

I have also gotten really into Entourage. The other day I watched 8 episodes in a row from season 2(GOD BLESS ON DEMAND!!!) Here are the reasons I recommend it!http://www.hbo.com/entourage/community/

1. The guy from Drive Me Crazy (the kickass teen movie with Sabrina the teenage witch) is the main character, Vincent Chase! He is hot and further proves that working with Clarissa will get you far in the world. A shame it didn't work for Sam. I wonder where he is now!!
2. THere are crazy celebrity cameos that shed new light on your favorite childhood stars. Ex:Bob Saget plays himself as Vince's neigbor. In a given episode he is shown taking hits off a bong in a house of ill repute, aka a whore house. Another episode features Ralph Maccio (of The Karate Kid and the Outsiders fame) and Pauly Shore. I know I am peaking your interest!
3. Ari is awesome. He plays the agent and he is such an asshole, but always likes to "hug things out"
4. It is produced by Mark Wahlberg....the brother of a New Kid...the former Calvin Klein Model...the leader of the Funky Bunch...what can't he do.

And now for my Reading Rainbow style recommendation:

Do you like hollywood? Do you like marijuana use? Do you like entourages? Well you are gonna love Entourage produced for HBO by Mark Wahlberg. In it a young star named Vince deals with the pressures of the business while surrounded by his entourage of boyhood friends. I recommend Entourage, but you don't have to take MY WORD FOR IT! da...dun...dun.

I am a sad, sad individual....

"oh baby baby....."-Britney Spears
A belated introduction:

Miss Kendall Lexie Adams

Born: 8/06/05

5 lbs 3 oz

18 inches

This is the baby of my "baby sister" by another mother Miss Florrie Carroll. I remember finding out Florrie was gonna have a baby in March, and I was on the phone all day crying and stopping others from crying. Although I tease her because she is a lifetime movie/afterschool special waiting to happen. An 18 year old chick in a wheelchair with a kid....she would definitely be the best lifetime movie ever, and also a great mom!!! She makes me realize that the unexpected things always are the most rewarding. I mean she wasn't exactly sitting around praying for a baby...her sister is my age and has a litter of kids (5) so the fertility gene is alive and kickin in the Carroll gene pool. I should write hallmark cards.

so this morning I woke up at the ungodly hour of 6:30 am...even though I didn't go to bed till 2 am and I was fully rested and ready for action. Whats up with that? Screw what these quack "pulmonologists" say- I am soo oxygenated! Anyway. It was a good thing that I got up early because I got to watch BEING JOHN MALKOVICH on comedy central which was great. I had forgotten how much I love that film. It made me want to find a portal behind my desk. I looked but it just led to a bunch of extension cords. Dammit!! Nothing cool ever happens to me. I have major control issues so I think I would pull a John Cusack and go nutty inside Malkovich like he was a barbie doll or something. [(TANGENT: when I was little, my sister traumatized me by telling me my malibu midge's hair would grow back if she let me cut it into this blunt dykey hairdo ..she aso used a purple marker to color the face of my Mrs. Heart doll (that I begged for Christmas '87) so we could play circus - because of her ill advised barbie playing, we had to pretend she was in an accident. My sister is such a lying bitch!!!) That brings me to an unprecedented (SUBTANGENT: I need to learn to not throw around the word BITCH so much. I use it all the time. My closest friends are my bitches or sometimes filthy whores. I think that is socially acceptable. Anyway I called one of my fellow interns a bitch one day in a very joking manner one day when we were doing that coworker banter and I think she took it wrong. Oopsie Poopsie!)]

we also went out last night...(TANGENT:by these posts one would think that I am a filthy drunk partier, but aside from the alcohol poisoning of July 2004 I am really quite the hermit homebody. "I am all about having a good time, go out and have a few cocktails...start a fire in someones kitchen...maybe go to sea world and take my pants off." sorry the Anchorman quote machine that lives inside my brain took control again. My bad!) We were welcoming Ty back to single life at least for the time being and celebrating Kristen being in town. I will miss getting blinded my Ty's huge ass ring but I am so super proud of her for doing this for herself and handling it so well. Sometimes breaks are necessary to reassess things. (TANGENT:All of the marriage stuff makes me feel so sure that I am 100% happy being single-no matter how bad I bitch at times...boy issues are one more stress I don't need. ) Apparently I missed a superfun trip to the world's largest adult bookstore after I went home last night from Jonathan's. Damn I always miss the fun stuff.

Today just went to Jason's Deli, a family establishment, with Kristen and Ty where Kristen wore her super classy homemade "Get Crunk Saturday shirt" which has "I don't makeout, I only like to F!!K" emblazoned one the back (use your imagination to fill in the !!'s). My best friend is such a classy dame. Then I fought the rain to go to the vortex of bad weather Murfreesboro where it is ALWAYS raining. I swear God must really despise the blue raiders.. I blame it on that white trash spokesman for the Blue Raider bookstore...he should be blaimed for the all the world's injustices. He is a toolbag!