WHAT THE HELL IS SHE WEARING??

I went back and read over the last few posts and I look lame...like I don't do anything...which lately has been the case! Maybe I will redeem myself this weekend..if not surely next week. Ty and I are going to Chattanooga and that should make things better. Lately I have been very antsy and understimulated!

Ok so now I am prepared to make myself look lamer. Today I was observing the new fourteen year old girl uniform (which working at the mall I get to see in abundance): It consists of the following garmets:

• DENIM MINI (preferably from Abercrombie)- true it may be roughly 20 degrees outside, but that seems like no reason not to bust out the chaunch-baring skirt, because fear not, her legs are covered with:
• LEGGINGS! (yes I said leggings with a skirt and I am not referencing Stephanie Tanner's wardrobe on Full House)- It seems nonsensical but to them it makes sense
• A POLO SHIRT- the popped collar is assumed
• UGG BOOTS- furry or non furry, I am still aghast that these have not yet gone out of style, they are rivaled only in their ugliness by CROCS!!
• A LOUIS VUITTON BAG- This angers me beyond belief because the same girls that that have a $250 bag thing 5/$30 for scent products is too high!

Leaving work today I thought, "surely girls my age didn't dress that bad."- but then I remembered when I was 14:

• MAVI or SILVER JEANS- honestly I don't even think they make these anymore and if they do, they are probobly being sold at Target alongside Mossimo and Issac Mizrahi (I guess I was progressive in the late 90's, because I shopped at Target before all the big designers were there- either that or I was poor!)
• GAP ANORAK- for some reason rain or shine these were always worn, I had two and was really proud of it, I wasn't like some girls who wore them every day, but they are scarcely seen now!
• T-SHIRT- The t-shirts seemed pretty non decript then, a nice Gap pocket T or the classic "NO FEAR" or "JOE'S CRABSHACK-LOVE, PEACE, AND CRABS!" would be acceptable
• TIMBERLAND HIKING BOOTS- I remember one day in my health class in 9th grade, I got bored and counted 0ver 15 pairs [this was after my health teacher (who I loved!) gave us a no smoking lecture when her clothes reaked of Camel Lights!- this led to my best friend telling to the class that her grandfather died of Lung Cancer to which the boy in front of her turned around and said, "Sucks for ya!"...she is still pissed about that to this day, only now SHE is a chain smoker!]...the boot could also be interchanged for the Adidas soccer sandal with white socks. Not a good look, but a frequently rocked look!

See..told ya that I have been lame lately

So I was working at the Secret today wiping down the makeup counter and restocking shelves, and I heard a song a differently than I usually do.[ TANGENT: I should start by saying I hate the music they play in the store because it is all either techno or deathcab for cutie, and although I like the deathcab [Plans is an excellent album], there is little transitions, and in mixes, transitions are key!! I usually zone out, but my anger over a dandruffy Asian man who got snippy with me and the sheer lack of customers needing lotion in their life made me seek peace through music.] Anyway the song in question is this song by some horrible Christian turned pseudo alternative band that seem to be the darlings of the TRL circuit. I think its switchfoot or lifehouse or something of that nature (some name where two unlike singular nouns are joined to portray something metaphorically Christ-like). Anyway- here are the lyrics:

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose.- shitty band

Anyway, I questioned if I was "who I wanted to be?" I think the better question would be "is it WHERE I want to be?" I mean I generally like myself, but sometimes feel that my elders might have something with that phrase, "sometimes your reach exceeds your grasp." I sincerely think this is my problem. I am in such a damn hurry and I have about 8000 things i want to do. And although I keep hearing people say they have no regrets, I tend to think thats bullshit! I mean who would we be without regrets [wow....I suddenly realized this is turning moderately philosophical and not about some reality show or some stupid drama in my life, I also realized I missed Project Runway tonight!] I think there are many instances in my life when I should have either said something or kept my mouth shut, suprisingly the first seems more true!! I have quite a few times in my life, especially this adult life where I have just been practical and said, that wouldn't work I shouldn't try because I don't want to feel stupid in failing. Failure is something I hate more than anything! But now in hindsight I regret not grabbing the bull by the balls (or the boy or the situation) and said, "listen here, I am willing to try!!" People always think that I am so ambitious and such an "inspiration" but that pisses the hell out of me because I want so much more than living at my parents, being carless, being boyfriendless, working at the mall and having my 3 best friends live over a hundred miles away! For a lack of a better phrase, it blows! I mean I love that I have awards on a shelf and a resume which makes me look moderately accomplished, but why do I sit and ponder ridiculously trite songs that come of "Victoria's Very Sexy Hits: Vol 2"? The world may never know!

I left out the part where it says "yesterday is a kid in the corner" because frankly I still have yet to figure that out !!

I need a Physical!

There are few times I can be thankful for my health problems, but the other day upon reading the paper, I thanked God for my shortness of breath and trips to the Vanderbilt ER. Apparently the new bachelor is an ER doctor at Vandy, who definitely can checked my vitals if not seen me partially nude this past summer. I saw his picture staring at me from the front page of the Life section, and was like, "wait I know him, thats the hot Dr. Stork!!" I seem to remember some hot doctor coming in and being shocked that he wasn't middle eastern or really old. [this is not a racial statement, it is an observation that most docs at Vanderbilt have a last name that I cannot pronounce...trust me: I am an expert on this subject!] Perhaps I will not be so hesitant to visit the ER next time, although I think a lot of other sad single women have the same idea.

I enjoy having connections to celebrities, only my joy is when I have a really distant relationship to a B or C level celebrity. Case in point: I once had my picture taken with Mr. Belding from Saved By the Bell after he came up to me at a charity function and asked "Have you ever seen Saved By the Bell? I had to save my best friend from selling Bill Engvall (that Here's your sign guy) a raffle ticket for a signed Blue Collar Comedy Tour poster. I have held Six from Blossom's dog, and seen her wearing some white pants that she should have considering wearing panties with. Frank Wycheck from the Titans once opened the door for me at the movie theater. In addition, I have met the voice of the Taco Bell Chihauaua and a good number of Nashville Star contestants. If I ever met someone huge, I don't think it would affect me that much. I think it is more exciting to know people that are kinda normal, but still secretly think they are hot shit.

My hope is that Dr. Stork never starts thinking he is hot shit. I hope he doesn't quit medicine altogether to join the ranks of other ex reality show stars. I mean maybe he wants to compete in Battle of the Reality TV Stars or make out with Candace Cameron on the The Surreal Life, but to me that would be a little sad....especially since we shared a moment.

I wanna be like DOG...

Like so many other recent nights, I was laying in bed at my parents house trying to find something to watch at 1 am besides infomercials and BET uncut. [TANGENT: I will have worked 40 hours this week selling disount gift sets and lotions to crazed Brentwoodians at the Semi Annual Sale] I fell upon a show which is strangely intriguing and captivating. The show I speak of: DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER. I had heard of this show but never watched it mainly because although I am a college graduate and consider myself intelligent, I had no clue what a bounty hunter was, and furthermore, why would I have an interest in their shananigans. After back to back episodes, I have learned that a bounty hunter is someone that seeks out bail jumpers, captures them and then heckles them all the way back to jail. Dog [which I believe is his given Christian name] and his wife are reason enough to watch it. They lead you to believe that people that live in Hawaii think that its 1990. It is not uncommon to see glorious bleach blonde mullets, mesh shirts, bike shorts or fingerless gloves on a given episode. It also kinda made me want to do this job...although it seemed white trashy, it seemed thrilling and kind of honorable. Although I have never changed my major and have known what I wanted to do since middle school, I often wish that I could do everything....yet I don't. The closest I have gotten is a job offer from a collection agency. I am not about to pursue a career in making people hate me. Its a lot easier to work in retail and just roll my eyes at small children stick their fingers in the eyeshadows and watch old ladies break perfume bottles!!