So I was working at the Secret today wiping down the makeup counter and restocking shelves, and I heard a song a differently than I usually do.[ TANGENT: I should start by saying I hate the music they play in the store because it is all either techno or deathcab for cutie, and although I like the deathcab [Plans is an excellent album], there is little transitions, and in mixes, transitions are key!! I usually zone out, but my anger over a dandruffy Asian man who got snippy with me and the sheer lack of customers needing lotion in their life made me seek peace through music.] Anyway the song in question is this song by some horrible Christian turned pseudo alternative band that seem to be the darlings of the TRL circuit. I think its switchfoot or lifehouse or something of that nature (some name where two unlike singular nouns are joined to portray something metaphorically Christ-like). Anyway- here are the lyrics:

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose.- shitty band

Anyway, I questioned if I was "who I wanted to be?" I think the better question would be "is it WHERE I want to be?" I mean I generally like myself, but sometimes feel that my elders might have something with that phrase, "sometimes your reach exceeds your grasp." I sincerely think this is my problem. I am in such a damn hurry and I have about 8000 things i want to do. And although I keep hearing people say they have no regrets, I tend to think thats bullshit! I mean who would we be without regrets [wow....I suddenly realized this is turning moderately philosophical and not about some reality show or some stupid drama in my life, I also realized I missed Project Runway tonight!] I think there are many instances in my life when I should have either said something or kept my mouth shut, suprisingly the first seems more true!! I have quite a few times in my life, especially this adult life where I have just been practical and said, that wouldn't work I shouldn't try because I don't want to feel stupid in failing. Failure is something I hate more than anything! But now in hindsight I regret not grabbing the bull by the balls (or the boy or the situation) and said, "listen here, I am willing to try!!" People always think that I am so ambitious and such an "inspiration" but that pisses the hell out of me because I want so much more than living at my parents, being carless, being boyfriendless, working at the mall and having my 3 best friends live over a hundred miles away! For a lack of a better phrase, it blows! I mean I love that I have awards on a shelf and a resume which makes me look moderately accomplished, but why do I sit and ponder ridiculously trite songs that come of "Victoria's Very Sexy Hits: Vol 2"? The world may never know!

I left out the part where it says "yesterday is a kid in the corner" because frankly I still have yet to figure that out !!