Hurricanes and Showtunes

Apparently there was a really big storm last night, this bitch named Katrina, and I slept right through it. I also slept right through 3 hours of storm coverage on the news tonight. [TANGENT:It gave me really messed up dreams that I was seeking shelter in a flea market that only sold Disney memorabilia...and I hid in this boiler room. Analyze that, Psych majors!! It inevitably has something to do with sex.] I am really blase about natural disasters, which I know is morally reprehensible of me, but I have never known anyone to die in one or be in one that caused thaere live to be horribly impacted. It is all kind of like a weird TV show to me. Sometimes the fact and the fiction is so blurred. It shouldn't be...I have lived through tornados before. I have watched the '97 Nashville tornado from my friends porch, the sky turning black, etc. I have driven through my neighborhood after the Christmas Eve tornado of 1988 seeing roofless houses and furniture strewn all over lawns. Still...I am not as emotional as I probobly should be....I am passive aggressive so I can't promise that I won't get pissed at natural disasters some day when I overdraft my bank account or run out of cokes.

On a completely different note, I have attended all my classes at least once, and the majority of them are complete bullshit, but it is the bullshit I have saved for my last semester. One of them being led by a nice Indian man named Raj who took his duty as a Computer Information Systems 101 teacher to discuss how we must live each day for the lord. I do however love my Movie Muicals class. I doubted the kind of people that would take this class...I was wagering 80% girl, 20% gay...give or take, but I was pleasantly surprised by the large quantity of seemingly hetero guys in the class. But being due to my high number of gay friends, I am a gay expert, or gayspert, as I like to call myself, I think I have come to some surprising conclusions:

1. No wonder Judy Garland(pictured above) is a gay icon- she looks kind of like a transie (she also looks a bit like Elizabeth Perkins from BIG and The Flintstones.) with a little less testosterone.
2. I also think Frank Sinatra is at least Bi. Blasphemy I know, but Hear me out. Previously the picture that sprang to mind was the mug shot that adorns far too many frat boy walls, you know ole womanizing Rat Packy Frank (below), BUT he did prance around New York with a trio of men in sailor suits singing about the hot tourist destinations and saying something like "girls in Manhatten wear Silk and wear satin"...who is he a Sex and the City stylist. (below)Just see him in "on the town" and get back to me.

I am officially old

As I move into the same apartment for the 5th time I am realizing that I am officially old. I came to this epiphone while watching the MTV Video music awards. [TANGENT: I always watch these shows the first night they are on...even though deep down I know they will be rerun and rerun tomorrow and the next day and the next. and I know I will not be able to fight the temptation to watch it at least 2 more times on the off chance that I missed something during the bathroom break.) I am getting to where I could care less about the winners and losers..Its not like I own an Ashlee Simpson or a 50 cent cd. With the exception of the killers, the people I listen to don't even make videos. If Elton John and Journey were in the running then maybe I would be more excited.

I long for the days when popular music was the soundtrack to my life. I rarely listen to the radio anymore and kind of miss that. I remember when The Freshman by the Verve came out and I was a Freshman in highschool. I now realize that the song is either about abortion or a coke addiction and death, but me and my ignorant friends would have sworn it was about our class back in 1997. I remember when Alanis Morrissette had her Jagged Little Pill heyday...Kristen, Emily Kenyon and myself would pass notes in the back of Dudley Davis' Tennessee History to discuss her lyrics ["were you thinking of me when you fuck her?" really spoke to me as a 7th grade girl who had never kissed a boy and still regularly shopped at Sanrio Suprises.] and the excitement we felt when we discovered the secret song at the end of the album or the jealousy I felt when Kristen got to go to the concert. I long for that. I definitely used to be one of those girls who watched TRL after school and loved N*Sync in their early Justin Timberlake bleached out phase, but to keep my cred called them a "cheesy boyband." I miss that passion that I shared with every other girl my age. Although I am all for branching out and try Indie stuff or older stuff, I miss that sense of community...and the fact that I am longing for "the old days" is making me feel even older.

I am also feeling old because it is going on my 5th year of college and as much as I love it, I am ready to go. After getting a taste of the real world this summer, I am ready. I know come December that tune might be changing, for now its consistent. I guess I better go get stuff ready for my 9th semester of MTSU courses!! have i mentioned that I feel old?

More Anti-boy Propaganda

Today I was laying in bed trying to take a nap, flipping between one of my guiltiest pleasures, My Super Sweet 16, and some countdown show on VH1 with the word Awesomely in the title, and I came upon Oprah and was sucked in as I usually am. The guest was the guy that wrote that book "He's just not THAT into you." I am always tempted to read this book, but everyone I know that has given in and bought it feels empty. The idea is that women put up with too much bullshit in relationships(which is a good message). One of the main points is never go back to a man that has ever rejected you. I think the effect of the book is supposed to make women feel like they deserve better than what they have, but I think in turn it leads them to be neurotic messes that think that if a guy doesn't ask them to move in after a year, then they are "Just not that into them!" I was soon sucked into the program and was wishing that I had never started watching. Soon Oprah had all the studio audience shouting at these poor women "He's just not THAT into you!" after they had bore their souls about there man troubles. True- some of these women did need to get out of their relationships but some just seemed like they were friends with benefits that suddenly wanted more...not that this is so wrong, but I felt they should really talk to their men before taking it on national tv. Another problem is the guy that wrote the book. Pretty sure he had a hairstyle that was on the verge of a flat-top mullet complete with golden highlights. He seemed like one of those guys that owned one or more clothing item embroidered with flames and/or dragons. He also called almost every Oprah guest a "Fox" which seemed kind of an odd way to sell himself as a credible expert. He was married however, maybe he's just not that into her. Soon fate intervened and I fell asleep.

When I woke up I decided to complete the evening of man bashing and catch some on demand episodes of Sex and the City. This was a mistake because I learned that my new haircut, with which I am still in phase 1:the unsure stage, is strikingly similar to Miranda Season 1,!!! [TANGENT: I have gotten very weird compliments on it. No one really says it looks good...or sexy.. instead of have gotten "Mature" which is not what I was going for but I will take it!] This is not good news considering I was wanted more Maggie Gyllenthal (see picture at right!) Nobody wants to be Miranda. I had always seen myself as more of a Carrie/Charlotte mix. Dammitt!! I always get stuck with the asexual one!!! At least this time my hair style looks like a girl. In the past I have tried to make it look like Ashley Judd and it turned out like The lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls. I have also rocked the "Micheal Jackson" and the "Matt from Seventh Heaven" in recent years.

Little green houses for you and me!

So I went to the ever picturesque town of Chattanooga this weekend to see my sister and Kristen's adorable little green house they just moved into. It was much nicer then I imagined and random sidenote: the water pressure in the shower and sink is amazing!!! I like it because it is a house from the 3os so it has all the cute architectural features, but it isn't nasty or gross!! We went on lots of gril bonding outtings bc it was me, Kelly, and Mom. We did what my mom refers to as "crazy partying" which is basically having a couple drinks at a restaurant.

Yesterday I went to Philllips for an evening of healthy spagetti and Sin CIty with Laurel. yes it sounds lame, but it was actually it was really fun. Sin City was f#@ked up but really good! I love a film where every one is killed my getting hit in the nuts or getting their nuts chopped off altogether; whether the weapon of choice be a schwastika shaped throwing star or a knife!!! I was also really distracted bc Elijah Wood played like a prostitute slayer and Rory from Gilmore Girls was a whore with a heart of gold. Screw versatility as an actor--I hate it when the people I grow to love play trashballs!! we also watched Laguna and my super sweet 16 before Sin City because Laurel had never seen either, so we had to have an intervention and open her eyes to the glory of rich teen angst! We also realized midway through the evening that Phillip's apt was making us all sick. Apparently mildew is growing in his airducts and all over his bathroom(pictured at right) bc his neighbors bathroom flooded about a month ago. It was really gross!! We left with runny noses and bloodshot eyes.

THANKS BEN FOLDS For My New Anthem!!

Smile
Like you've got nothing to prove
No matter what you might do
There's always someone out there cooler than you
I know that's hard to believeBut there are people you meet
They're into something that is too big to be

Expressed
Through their clothes
And they'll put up with all the poses you'll throw
And you won'tEven knowthat they're not sizing you up
They know your mom fucked you up
Or maybe let you watch too much TV
But they'll still look in your eyesTo find the human inside

You know there's always something in there to see
BeneathThe veneer
Not everybody made the list this year
Have a beer

Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
But there's always someone cooler than you

Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be here for long
Oh, there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, there's always someone cooler than you

Now that I've got the disease
In a way I'm relieved
'Cause I don't have to stress about it like you do
I might just get up and dance
Or buy some acid-wash pants
When you don't care then you got nothing to lose

And I won'tHesitate
'Cause every moment life is slipping away
It's okMake me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
But there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be it for long

Oh, there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, there's always someone cooler than you
Oh, there's always someone cooler than...

Life is wonderfulLife is beautiful
We're all children of
One big universe
So you don't have to be a chump
And you know (you know)
That I won't (I won't)
Hesitate (hesitate)
'Cause every moment life is slipping away (away)
It's ok (it's ok)

Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall
Oh, 'cause there's always someone cooler than you
Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be it for long
But there's always someone cooler than you
Oh yeah, there's always someone cooler than you
Because there's always someone cooler than you

Cooler than you (boy)
Cooler than you (girl)
Cooler than you (sir)
Cooler than you (my lady)

OhNerds go wildYeah Yeah

"I Don't Love you...I L-U-V you!!"- Laguna Beach's Talon

So I have been watching a lot of MTV reality TV since I have finished my internship. NO matter how hard I have tried to resist. I LOVE LAGUNA BEACH!! I know this show is about as fake as Love is in the Heir (I think I was the only human to watch that) but it pulls me in. It also makes me feel like I missed out on a lot in high school! I think I should have gone to Laguna, then maybe I could date a boy with a cool name...like Dieter or Talon!! (Oh wait, I was really unattractive for most of high school, so thats a negative.) In a way it reminds me of the kids I went to Brentwood with, except less eyeliner and there was definitely no one as hot as Jason at my school. (ok I realize that he is roughly 17 and I am nearly 23, but there is no denying that he is very easy on the eyes...points deducted for his huge bling blingin diamonds. Apparently huge diamond earrings are popular for boys in Laguna. hopefully that trend never reaches middle Tennessee) I think I am always drawn to shows where there are people with ungodly amounts of money and as a result act like spoiled dumbasses(Celebrity Cattle Drive, My Super Sweet 16, the OC, 90210, etc.) I blame it on being raised among wealthy people. (TANGENT: I respect people that have a lot of money, but don't flaunt it. example: my friend Jessica has an elevator in her house and fountains and shit in her pool. If I had this I think I would brag about it constantly. Hence why fate has NOT given me lots of money.She however is really cool about it because her parents have raised her properly;She has always had a job and is not above buying wine by the jug. MAD PROPS TO HER!

I have also gotten really into Entourage. The other day I watched 8 episodes in a row from season 2(GOD BLESS ON DEMAND!!!) Here are the reasons I recommend it!http://www.hbo.com/entourage/community/

1. The guy from Drive Me Crazy (the kickass teen movie with Sabrina the teenage witch) is the main character, Vincent Chase! He is hot and further proves that working with Clarissa will get you far in the world. A shame it didn't work for Sam. I wonder where he is now!!
2. THere are crazy celebrity cameos that shed new light on your favorite childhood stars. Ex:Bob Saget plays himself as Vince's neigbor. In a given episode he is shown taking hits off a bong in a house of ill repute, aka a whore house. Another episode features Ralph Maccio (of The Karate Kid and the Outsiders fame) and Pauly Shore. I know I am peaking your interest!
3. Ari is awesome. He plays the agent and he is such an asshole, but always likes to "hug things out"
4. It is produced by Mark Wahlberg....the brother of a New Kid...the former Calvin Klein Model...the leader of the Funky Bunch...what can't he do.

And now for my Reading Rainbow style recommendation:

Do you like hollywood? Do you like marijuana use? Do you like entourages? Well you are gonna love Entourage produced for HBO by Mark Wahlberg. In it a young star named Vince deals with the pressures of the business while surrounded by his entourage of boyhood friends. I recommend Entourage, but you don't have to take MY WORD FOR IT! da...dun...dun.

I am a sad, sad individual....

"oh baby baby....."-Britney Spears
A belated introduction:

Miss Kendall Lexie Adams

Born: 8/06/05

5 lbs 3 oz

18 inches

This is the baby of my "baby sister" by another mother Miss Florrie Carroll. I remember finding out Florrie was gonna have a baby in March, and I was on the phone all day crying and stopping others from crying. Although I tease her because she is a lifetime movie/afterschool special waiting to happen. An 18 year old chick in a wheelchair with a kid....she would definitely be the best lifetime movie ever, and also a great mom!!! She makes me realize that the unexpected things always are the most rewarding. I mean she wasn't exactly sitting around praying for a baby...her sister is my age and has a litter of kids (5) so the fertility gene is alive and kickin in the Carroll gene pool. I should write hallmark cards.

so this morning I woke up at the ungodly hour of 6:30 am...even though I didn't go to bed till 2 am and I was fully rested and ready for action. Whats up with that? Screw what these quack "pulmonologists" say- I am soo oxygenated! Anyway. It was a good thing that I got up early because I got to watch BEING JOHN MALKOVICH on comedy central which was great. I had forgotten how much I love that film. It made me want to find a portal behind my desk. I looked but it just led to a bunch of extension cords. Dammit!! Nothing cool ever happens to me. I have major control issues so I think I would pull a John Cusack and go nutty inside Malkovich like he was a barbie doll or something. [(TANGENT: when I was little, my sister traumatized me by telling me my malibu midge's hair would grow back if she let me cut it into this blunt dykey hairdo ..she aso used a purple marker to color the face of my Mrs. Heart doll (that I begged for Christmas '87) so we could play circus - because of her ill advised barbie playing, we had to pretend she was in an accident. My sister is such a lying bitch!!!) That brings me to an unprecedented (SUBTANGENT: I need to learn to not throw around the word BITCH so much. I use it all the time. My closest friends are my bitches or sometimes filthy whores. I think that is socially acceptable. Anyway I called one of my fellow interns a bitch one day in a very joking manner one day when we were doing that coworker banter and I think she took it wrong. Oopsie Poopsie!)]

we also went out last night...(TANGENT:by these posts one would think that I am a filthy drunk partier, but aside from the alcohol poisoning of July 2004 I am really quite the hermit homebody. "I am all about having a good time, go out and have a few cocktails...start a fire in someones kitchen...maybe go to sea world and take my pants off." sorry the Anchorman quote machine that lives inside my brain took control again. My bad!) We were welcoming Ty back to single life at least for the time being and celebrating Kristen being in town. I will miss getting blinded my Ty's huge ass ring but I am so super proud of her for doing this for herself and handling it so well. Sometimes breaks are necessary to reassess things. (TANGENT:All of the marriage stuff makes me feel so sure that I am 100% happy being single-no matter how bad I bitch at times...boy issues are one more stress I don't need. ) Apparently I missed a superfun trip to the world's largest adult bookstore after I went home last night from Jonathan's. Damn I always miss the fun stuff.

Today just went to Jason's Deli, a family establishment, with Kristen and Ty where Kristen wore her super classy homemade "Get Crunk Saturday shirt" which has "I don't makeout, I only like to F!!K" emblazoned one the back (use your imagination to fill in the !!'s). My best friend is such a classy dame. Then I fought the rain to go to the vortex of bad weather Murfreesboro where it is ALWAYS raining. I swear God must really despise the blue raiders.. I blame it on that white trash spokesman for the Blue Raider bookstore...he should be blaimed for the all the world's injustices. He is a toolbag!

So yesterday a group of us went out because Kristen was in town for the night. At Jessica and Ryan's request we to Guido's which would be a great little place to go to if people actually went there. Ambience- A+; Service-F; Ability to speak English coherently and take drink orders worth a damn- F. It was a Italian restaurant with an all asian staff. A bit of irony nestled in Thoroughbred Plaza. We were all certain an underground prostitution ring was being run out of the back because they kept disappearing. We then had to trek it to Dolans where there was one more than one group of people in Titans Jersies grinding to people singing kareoke. Apparently this is the status quo there. For being located next to a Food Lion, it was hoppin at 2 am on a friday.

Ty was also there after fighting with the fiancee so we knew she was really upset, we pumped her full of free drinks to ease the pain. Thats what friends are for. I also found out that she talked to the guy about joining the FBI. Apparently she just has to work with the TBI for a year or so because of her criminal justice degree, grades, and experience. I am so excited for her and hope that everything works out for her because I want my Ty to be a Charlie's Angel and run around in her hot pink suede boots fighting crime and lookin fierce!!

Today really didn't do much but sleep. Kelly came home for the weekend so I got to see her and we went shopping for some teacher clothes for her. They didn't have any apple sweaters or shirts with vests attached, so we had to settle for things she might actually where. I bought a wesern shirt because I thought for a native Nashvillian I lacked adequate western apparel. On my last day at MP&F, we walked by Trail West and I had the epiphone that I needed soemthing that screamed Nashville in my wardrobe. I mean if I were from Alaska, I would have a parka, right? or from Hawaii, I would have a Hawaiian shirt. (I can't think of any continental states that have stereotypical outfits.) I told my coworkers that I hadn't had anything cowboy since the horseback riding phase of 94 where I had the shoe boots, the electric blue cowboy hat, the bolo tie, and the cactus cowboy shirt. I was hot shit, jealous? I think my coworkers were frightened of me like they generally were when my mouth opened and words came out.

So I think I have officially joined the ranks of internet dork...I have had a pic on hot or not; I have a facebook profile; I have bought and sold stuff on ebay. NEXT STEP: BECOME A BLOGGER! My friend Courtney has a profile and I enjoyed hers so I thought I would follow suite.

So last night I went to the gay club with Phillip (pictured left tipping a very pretty drag queen aka Miss Austria Andrews...I think... anyway she had big old boobs and she was not afraid to show them off). I went not because I am gay, but rather I am a fan of drinking cosmos and people watching so it seemed an appropriate destination. I also have been promising Phillip all summer that I would escort him! (TANGENT:I always love to come home to my parents house with tales of the gay club because they just shake their head and look at me oddly. Like last time when I told then about the burly lesbian that gave me a hand massage and the middle aged man whose pick up line was "I understand disability issues, I am bi-polar and have liver disease. Lets go have sushi!" I LOVE TO FREAK OUT MY PARENTS!! yesterday I watched Date My Mom with my mom and had to explain to her what Blue Balls were. It was really disturbing!! )

Anyway while at the clubs, it reinforced my inclination that I know every gay male from every major Tennessee city. I have my boro gays, my Nashvegas gays, my chatt-town gays...hell I even have a Knoxville gay and a Maryville gay thrown in for good measure. I even ran into one guy at the door of Play that was like "KIMMIE!!!" I still am not sure who he was. I am thinking its wheelchair Steve's brother because he looked just like him, but a walking around version, and he said something about Steves's birthday so deductive reasoning steered me to this conclusion. (TANGENT: I am not insensitive by calling him wheelchair steve, bc I too am handicapable. It was invented bc in high school there were only 2 kids in chairs (me and steve) and there was more than one steve, hence a catchy adjective had to be created.) I also saw a couple other high school people that avoided my eye contact because I dont think they were ready to be outed to me...even though I am probobly the least judgemental person on this matter.

I also went to the respiratory doctor today to get more Super Fun equipment to better my life! The sarcasm should be pretty obvious! This damn reoccuring high CO2 in my blood has given me a complex all summer and caused many an anxiety attack...which is a new thing for me. Anyway- I did take a really good story away from the experience. (IF YOU ARE AT ALL EASILY DISGUSTED OR A CAT LOVER, READ NO FURTHER!!!!) Apparently my respiratory therapist used to work at a very backwoods hospital in west Tennesee and this 800 lb woman came in one day with severe chest pains. She was apparently bed ridden and hadn't been very well cared for. So when the were putting the EKG monitors on her, they had to move her GIANT BOOBS and folds of flesh out of the way to get the leads to pick up her rhythms. So when they picked up one of her GIANT BOOBS, they found a dead kitten. Apparently she had been missing the cat for weeks and she had simply rolled over it when it was sleeping with her. Thats what had caused the chest pain...it was scratching to get out and had smothered to death!! Now that I have left you with brutal nightmares!! Have a great day!