Everyone read Phillip's blog. It is hilarious and the first post is dedicated to me...extra incentive. http://www.stainsonmytshirt.blogspot.com I am sitting in the library laughing my ass off...it is that humorous.

Vince Vaughn VS. Elton John

so the other day I had my second dream about my oww so sexy celebrity crush, the swashbuckling (Huh?) Vince Vaughn...really I think my infatuation is getting out of control. We were making out in a closet (last time it was in a car) and I was working at a hospital. I realize it sounds like skinamax late night soft core but it wasn't...scouts honor (not that I ever was a scout...wasn't much of a camper). I am quite saddened that I can't go see his comedy show at the Ryman friday. Of course it had to be the same night as Elton John!! DAMMIT! Damn my love of middle aged woman/gay man music!! It always gets in my way! HuH???

Sorry I think the closely spaced overdoses of Ibuprofin are hindering my ability to think free of tangents. I suddenly realize what turrets must feel like (cock *twitch* shit balls). I really was quite tormented about the choice of Sept 30th activity but I had already gotten my mom and sister all prepped to go to EJ (thats Elton John for those in the know). Anyway, the reason I am highly medicated with over the counter drugs is because I fell on sunday night and hurt my cocyx (tailbone) something wicked. At first it felt just slightly sore...but now it feels like I got spanked by a cinder block. OUCH!! And the weird thing is there is no bruise, and I bruise like a peach (that just sounded incredibly southern of me...I don't say things southern bellish often so relish it)!!! So me thinks something is awry with my ass and my cocyx may be broken. I shall find out friday...for now I just have a pain in the ass!!

Well for now I just have to take a few more ibuprofin so I can go out to campus pub with the ladies (Jess and Ty) and numb my pain with alchohol.

I admit, I have been cheating...

Ok now that I have your attention. I have been cheating...with MySpace. After being repeatedly told that I should get an account, I gave in and it is crazy addictive. I spent all afternoon yesterday making it pretty [Hold on..my contact is aching...I must go remove it!!] Ok I am back. I have been watching Extreme Makeover home edition and thinking to myself "where do they find all these attractive blue collar workers?" I have never had a maintenence man come over that looked like Carter Osterhouse or Andrew Lloyd Jumbo (the fact that there names are second nature proves that I watch too much TV.) That is all...I must get back to doing all the work I have let pile while I tweaked my myspace (check it out at www.myspace.com/kimmiespace ) I will hold faithful this blog because otherwise, what kind of girl would I be?

LOST LOST LOST

I just got done finished watching LOST....and my upcoming rant about it is gonna really prove how dorky Kimmie really is (so dorky that she sometimes talks in third person) I am such a fan...but no one else watches it hardcore (except my sister in chatt) so I sit there screaming at the tv or yelling "what the fuck??" to myself and looking around to see the disbelief that is not shared around me (which happens an average of 10x per episode. ) Well today there was a man in the hatch...i thought it was a flashback for the first 5 minutes but there is some elaborate hatch under the island and there is this guy just making smoothies and listening to really terrible music. he also was sleeping on bunk beds so I am guessing he is not alone down there (way to use context clues kimmie!! I know I am quite observant!). I also am thinking Locke is up to his same ole shit given he was in a wheelchair pre-crash (which begs the question, If I were in a crash, would I be able to walk?) and now is walking around killing boar and being weird (TANGENT: and why does he have a crazy scar over his eye ...he reminds me of uncle scar from The Lion King...as if its some rule that villians must have eye scars!!) My theory is that he caused the plane crash given that he was all about playing RISK and weird survival excursions in the flash backs (he was also all about falling in love with his phone sex operator...which I am trying to ignore!!). Anyway, enough of my ranting...I think I have come off sufficiently dorky so now I will show why I am sufficiently pathetic.

Today I had my first day of "Aquatic Therapy" at the rec center. I was really scared bc my breathing is sub par and I am grossly out of shape. I also was nervous because I used to swim twice a week in high school and middle school (like not just doggypaddling...like I could tread for 8 minutes and swim laps and all that stuff) and now I have to wear a life vest and it frustrates the ever loving hell out of me. I also had a mild panic attack when I got in (I am not sure why..I am not that kind of girl!) because the jog belt and the unexpected water pressure on my chest was freaking the hell out of me. I was feeling good before i got in bc I had kicked ass on the pretests (the hand bike and the hand strength monitor) but I just couldn't hack it in the water. And all the other disabled people were like friggin greg luganis and I am all clinging to the rails while the super attractive volunteer just watched me (I felt super gimpy all of a sudden)... I just felt super defeated considering I used to be so good at this. If I always sucked...that would be something altogether different..but to know success and then to be denied it is a hard thing...especially when it is completely beyond your control.

Today I was behind someone on the sidewalk for a couple blocks so I got bored and started reading her T-shirt...turns out it had my friend Will's name on it so I kept reading and it said "The Matt LeBlanc School of Music." I couldn't decide if it was one of those jokey Hot Topic shirts that I just wasn't getting or if Matt LeBlanc really did open a school of music. I am still slightly befuddled by this.

I spent the majority of the morning being jerked around by the lovely staff at Student Health (NO I DID NOT HAVE A UNEXPLAINABLE RASH DOWN SOUTH OR NEED A BROCHURE ON CONTRACEPTIVES). I actually needed a physical so I can start water aerobics tomorrow. I showed up at about 12:00 and they took me back and started taking vitals and then said, "you need an appointment, can you come back later." So even though they weren't doing anything but discussing the hurricane in New Orleans (apparently still water cooler fodder, as it should be) I had to come back 45 minutes later. I then came back and waited inside my room learning valuable lessons from the outdated posters on the walls like:

• You cannot catch AIDS from a handshake or a doorknob.
• "The only way to have safe sex is to have it within a faithful married relationship"- perhaps the wordiest abstinence slogan ever
• How the pancreas looks and where it is located
• 1o reasons to say no to smoking ("You don't have to smell like an ashtray!")

so anyway $10 and about 45 minutes later, I got the signature I desired and learned nothing new about my health status. Thank You MTSU student Health!!

Dream a little dream of me....

i hate when you finally think you have stopped thinking or dwelling about someone or something and athen you have a dream about it. Its as if god is doing it to test you..as if you are being poked by some big fire poker thing (I am sure they have a proper name) that is telling you to remember this and let it simmer in your subconscious for a little longer...whether it is positive, negative,or seemingly inconsequential. There is a reason you can't forget it, even if the reason is to be determined. Why is it some things I can forget so easily like phone numbers or the start times for my classes, but I can't forget others. I think I am being vague enough...aren't I?

All these forboding dreams are leaving me emotionally unstable. I went to see Just like Heaven with my mom yesterday (TANGENT: I thought this movie would be just like City of Angels but had a nice twist that will make anyone second guess a living will. ) and almost cried twice during previews...I mean what the Hell??!? And it wasn't like it was for movies like Million Dollar Baby or Stepmom or some movie worthy of tears. I cried during the PREVIEWS (put in all caps to stress that I didn't even see these movies but rather got so emotionally attached that I was nearly brought to tears during a 2 minute trailer) for Walk the Line (the Johnny cash biopic...I mean I do love Johnnny Cash but not to the degree of crying) and some awful horse movie with Dakota Fanning (and as Phillip would attest, beacause he is still mad at me for refusing to see Hidalgo, I hate horse movies!!!) Something must be going on with me...I just don't know what it is yet!!

Well I am off to go eat chinese food and watch the emmys while I attempt to get work done.

Its raining boredom and body dismorphic disorder

I just came home from eating steak at outback followed by a delicious 59 cent vanilla cone from McDonalds (those things are sometimes better than the $6 dishes at coldstone or Marble Slab). It was a last minute outting with John. I haven't seen him in ages and its hard to go from seeing someone daily to only once in a while. He was the first person I met at MTSU bc he was my Ra and checked me into my apt. It had been awhile since someone had called me 'shannon.' [TANGENT: Shannon was another smaller brunette girl in a chair who wore lisa loebish glasses sometimes....anyway the similarities ended there bc she was a really good singer and did so in many campus musicals. She played the matchmaker in Fiddler on the Roof and for a solid 6 months afterward people were telling ME how great I was in the musical. Little do they know that one of my vocal cords is paralyzed and I can't sing for shit. anyway John thought all this was quite amusing so to perpetuate this comfusion, he called me shannon loudly, usually when a crowd was present and still does to this day!] I miss my johnny!

I was hoping to get a tan and read my new book that is written from an autistic boy's perspective about the murder of a neighbor's pooodle (ITS A COMEDY!!) , BUT it started to rain so I had to lay in bed instead and listen to the rain...i love laying in bed when its raining! But because it rained, I still lack sun and feel pale. I am vehemently against tanning beds bc I think they are like a gateway drug to other things that I stand against like louie vuitton purses and ugg boots! I guess I will just have to stick to my Jergens natural glow lotion which is doing nothing but tinging my bra a lovely shade of orange, but psychologically it is doing wonders. I only wish I was had all the puerto rican-ness like my sister (not that we have any hispanics in our gene pool.) but she for some reason looks samoan/Indian/south american/ethnically ambiguous while I look like a pasty mess!

Contrary to the above sentence, I have really high self esteem (probobly too much) so I am always baffled by people that have none. Like yesterday on Oprah (yes it always comes back to Oprah) there were these people who had body dismorphic disorder which makes them addicted to plastic surgery to the point where they look like a Bratz doll [TANGENT: what happened to good old barbies, why are all dolls horriby slutty nowadays..they all have ho eyeliner and overlined lips and come with accessories liek fuck me boots and mini skirts (and as an former avid barbie enthusiast, most of them are panty-less!)] anyway this one girl had not had any surgery and was really pretty, looked kind of like Eva Longoria, and she said that she felt so hideous that she had to have the mirrors removed in her house! Maybe it is this fear of body dismorphic disroder that causes me to steer away from some things that seem vain like fake and bakes and name brands...or maybe its cause I have no money. jury is still out...

My Sweet Home Alabama Weekend...and then some

Here are some things that I recently discovered annoy the shit out of me:

1. laugh clappers (people who laugh so hard that they feel moved to clap even at dumb things....these people seem to love to sit next to me in class and at movies)
2. people who wear playboy bunny accessories and/or t-shirts (this rivals my annoyance of things with dragons and/or flames on them)
3. people who do "Poor" napoleon dynamite impressions. (I love that film dearly but why does everyone think they can quote it...the impression usually just sounds like an athsmatic who hasn't hit the inhaler today!)

well today has been pretty boring although I did get behind a hot scotsman in the line at Quiznos. He had a very William Wallace Braveheart accent so I kept asking him questions like, "what are you gonna get?" or "boy this line is long." I basically just wanted to hear him talk. I am such a dumb southerner but it did entertain me while I waited forever in line. I wondered what the hell someone from Scotland would be doing in Murfreesboro. That just seems like the biggest downgrade. I have never been there, much less out of the country, so I can't say I know what its like there but I imagine bagpipes and kilts and hills and for some reason billy goats are present (I am not sure why....maybe something was amiss in my early education). To go from that to a place famous for the world's largest oak bucket and for having the most restaurants per capita than anyplace in Tennessee (an assett I address often) seems mildly depressing. I guess it could be more surreal....which brings me to my weekend....

Saturday Phillip and I went on a road trip to Pisgah, Alabama pop. roughly 3 (named apparently after a Mt Pisgah in the Bible...not that I would know) to attend his 5 year High SChool reunion. He didn't want to go by himself and he lured me into the scenario with promises of a visit to the famous UNclaimed Baggage store in neighboring Scottsboro (TANGENT: the unclaimed Baggage store was once featured on Oprah...which is really all it takes to make something exciting to me. ALthough I am pretty sure it was one of those episodes where Oprah tries to act like the "common people" by shopping at Costco and stuff like that..) If I did not go, what kind of friend would I be? Plus I knew that he was stressed bc some of these folks had once teased him for his newfound homosexuality and I thought he might not go if someone didn't go with him. I also thought it a great opportunity to have a fake identity (YAY!!)

It was a surreal trip to say the least. I should have known things were going awry when we heard 4 non blondes' "WHats up?" on the radio more than once. It was as if we were transgressing back in time as we drove the two hours south. There was one errand Phillip had neglected to tell me about. Apparently we had to go do the mandatory "post breakup giving back of the stuff" with his ex fred. when we pull up to his property, fred rushes out in full redneck mode (sleeveless t-shirt, ciggerette, pickup) and pulls aside us cussing. I swear he was prepared to throw down and I am thinking "CHrist, I am about to see a full on gay fight and be left for dead in BFE!!!!" luckily we averted catastrophe by Phillip throwing the box in his truck bed and getting back in our getaway car telling him that I had to pee, so we had to go. MY BLADDER TO THE RESCUE!! we then hit up his granny's house where I realized all small town grandmas (like my granny) must shop exclusively at church bazarres where they buy "tater bins" and other handicrafts). I love that!!

After finding nothing at the Unclaimed Baggage Mart (apparently Oprah had bought everything...bc I was left with only A heap of Aaron Cater Cds and a wall of straw hats to choose from) we went to the reunion which was held at a barbecue restaurant. We soon realized that out of a class of about 100, only 5 were there single (we will count Phillip as single even though he brought me...I refused to be considered his date! even though one woman asked if I was his wife which made me crack up hysterically ) and most of the others were married or had a baby with them. There was also another gay there named Billy Ray (yes i know...it was just like sweet home alabama.) The funny thing is Phillip said the gay Billy Ray used to call him "Fag" in high school....OH THE IRONY!! There were also zero black people. I though brentwood had little diversity...I was wrong! It made me feel like there 23 is a lot different there than it is here! For once I was really glad to be living in Murfreesboro. They almost seemed to look at us as if we were high society (which is weird...bc my whole life I have looked at everyone else that way) and I understand where he gets his drive to see things. He wants to see everything....like going to teach in Japan next year or like how he wanted to see Mardi Gras so bad that he went alone bc everyone else had a hellish week that week. Good thing he did....bc pretty sure it will be the last one for a while....

Opinions Opinions Opinions

I love opionions. I read my friend Courtney's blog today and it was pretty much the antithesis of mine, but I love it. Anyone that has an opinion is cool in my book...even if their opinion is that opinions are stupid. At least that proves conviction...and god knows I have too much of that. for example, I will never work as a wal-mart greeter or a ticket taker at the movies, I won't wear pink and red together. I won't date a boy that drives a hummer (bc I think they are cheesy). That being said, I can never do these things. My biggest fear is being a hypocrit.

I have been looking over the guys that I have been interested in the the past, and I am coming to the conclusion that a good 1/3 of them were borderline gay. At least 2 are actually gay. One is now a glam rocker (I must say that crush was like a good 7 years ago) which means he sports eyeliner which at least raises some sort of red flag. [TANGENT speaking of eyeliner, what is going on with GREEN DAY? I used to love them when I was in like middle school when they had their dukie album. Now they are wearing platform shoes and look like all that other good charlottey mess thats out there. I definitely prefer the grungy stripes with plaid green day vs the new smokey eye green day.] I really would love a "not gay" boy to take some sort of interest in me....and not even in a novelty sort of way....like they usually do. But that being said they must be understanding that I do have a flock of gays in my managerie and there in lies the problem. All I ask is that they tell dirty jokes and don't mind that I do...and that they also must not have seen "To wong foo...thanks for everything Julie Newmar."

So I am an insensitive bitch

I understand after reading my last posts that I was insensitive due to sheer ignorance. Since then, I have begun to wrap my brain around the enormity of the hurricane. Until last tuesday night/early wednesday when I stayed up till 6 am watching CNN (aren't I a party gal?) I had thought when they refered to the SUPERDOME, they were making up some contrived media nickname for the storms epicenter. I am usually not this socially unaware I promise... Apparently I was not so insensitive bc a girl in one of my classes was "really worried about all the antiques that were destroyed." I thought that to be a random thing to worry about when parts are of our country are in third world status.

I feel awful and it makes me angry...I don't want to be cliche and be angry at Bush, but he is awful. I honestly don't think it was blatant racism though, It was just his own sheer ignorance that caused him to fuck around while people died. He probobly, like myself didn't want to believe how bad things were. The difference is I am a student majoring in advertising, something that might change someone's purchasing habits, not their lives. I think he just is in over his head....and frankly I feel bad for him and his retarded self. When Oprah and Harry Connick Jr can bust in there and help people, why can't he. Even Angi is gung ho mad at him right now. She who sleeps watches fox news exclusively while sporting a Bush/Chaney shirt (not in an ironic way like I would) and tries to fight with my dad on politics (which is always a losing battle bc my dad watches CNN like it is an iron lung or something fueling his raging democracy) I try not to be a crazy bush basher bc frankly I am the spawn of one...but GW makes me ill right now!

Speaking of democrats, during breaks at the telethon, the Jones girls made a cameo at the first annual Williamson County Democrat celebration of Labor picnic. we thought of possible questions that might get people talking and riled up...bc I love riled up democrats (maybe because I play one from time to time). My top pic was, "Has anyone purchased the new Toby Keith album...I hear its great!" My sister opted for, "You know what I can't stand? Gay People!" (Gay people can be interchanged with the environment, black people, and poor people.) Although we never used these, we did think it would be fun to bust them out. Another great thing was the theme music. Every song that was played at the picnic had to do with labor or working...hence labor day. Anyway- when my family pulled up "She works hard for the money" was playing. Apparently the music committee was not aware that it is a song about prostitution...I guess thats labor.

I had to write a bio....and look how it makes me look like such a self rightious bitch!

MTSU Senior Kimberly Jones, a native of Brentwood Tenn., is the recipient of the Muscular Dystrophy Association's (MDA) Personal Achievement Award. As a constant fixture at MDA fundraising events, summer camps as well as the Labor Day telethon, this Advertising Major with a double minor in art and English prides herself for putting a face behind the disease. She has used her experience in Philanthropy when working as Vice President of Lambda Sigma Honor Society and as a volunteer at Southern Hills Medical Center. In summer of 2005, Jones worked as an intern at Tennessee’s largest PR firm McNeely Pigott & Fox and gained considerable experience working on PR campaigns for big name companies and non profits. A supporter of all things creative, Jones has served as contributing staff and later Visual Arts Editor of MTSU’s literary Magazine, Collage. Her artwork is displayed in The Center for Independent Living, and her photography is being published in an upcoming issue of Breaking Ground. In 2003, these accomplishments landed her on the list of Who’s Who in American Colleges and Universities. Jones is the daughter of Jim and Carol Jones of Brentwood.